Barrybran II - Six Weeks In

[Barrybran]

It's been a low key couple of days here. Just kicking back at home with my wife, kids and parents and going about my weekend as I wait for the coming week and this job stuff to start rolling. My wife called me from work today to tell me her uncle read my letter in the paper and that he'd have a word with his friend, who happens to be the local mayor, about the situation. Funny thing is, even if I find work in town, it'll validate my article about who you know and not what you know. Funny how country towns work.

Anyway, I had a weird afternoon today. I felt down for some reason. I couldn't put my finger on it but I have some theories. My wife has mentioned about wanting a white dining table and me potentially converting the one we have when we have some money. Long story short, I went looking for matching chairs online and couldn't find anything suitable and after a while, I was pretty tired of looking and watched some TV. I have a fear of failure; not sure if that's a real thing but I have always hated failing. I don't know if it's connected to my mood this afternoon but I did put a lot of effort into looking for these chairs and I've felt off ever since. I went and watered the lawn on my own and took a long shower but I still feel off, though mentally I feel a bit better, just a headache. On top of looking for chairs, I've done next to nothing today and I've eaten like crap all day. I also haven't been to the gym since Tuesday (the owner has taken off for the weekend and left no notice he was closing for the weekend). The kids weren't around and my wife was at work so I thought I'd relax and enjoy the day but I feel worse today, physically and mentally, than I have since I took on this DB stuff. It's the first time I think I've ever noticed the connection between my diet and activity compared to how I feel. Odd, I know, but a first. I felt myself becoming short with my wife and kids but I did notice it almost immediately and I just tried to distance myself if I felt tense. I'm thankful for noticing.

Aside from that, yesterday, with my kids gone for the day I helped my wife at work and we worked together for pretty much the whole day. We had genuine teamwork and she was occasionally playful. We also talked quite a bit, just small talk stuff with a few general life things thrown in. I was tired but I really enjoyed the time with her. At home we showered together, which I took too far and strangely regretted, and then we watched movies with my parents. It was interesting noticing that I felt good spending time with her without expectations and when I pushed for something, it wasn't as good for either of us. Something for me to remember and work on.

The only other thing of note is that I've almost finished reading DB. I have DR and 5LL waiting for me and I'll be ordering 'The Way of the Superior Man' when I have some spare change.

All in all, a fairly average feeling couple of days but I'm happy with the little things that have been happening with my wife and I. My wife has a full week at work before heading out of town for the weekend and my son returns to school for the year on Wednesday. Hopefully, I'll get a couple of phone calls and I'll wind up working myself, for money, not my wife this time!