One year in but a newbie

[Lifes Twists]

Its been a few weeks since I posted. I have been reading others posts here. I find if I try to post too much about my situation I get to fixated on it and anxious to see improvement. So, I will continue to post when I have a question or an update / something to add.

I have made a few changes in my interaction with the W these past few weeks. I have gone a bit dim, Only contacting her when I have to about the kids or financial stuff that involves both of us. The second thing I have done is to not directly bail her out of financial issues she gets into on her own. Rather than outright paying off what ever the issue is I have now taken to offering to pay the support money in advance if I have it or advancing a loan to her with weekly payoff.

Both of these changes have had some interesting results, though I don't want to read too much into it. When BD happened she told me it was going to be difficult financially. Since I have pulled back she is getting the full picture of how hard it is going to be. She is falling behind on making payments on credit cards and such resulting in phone calls. The reason I know this is that sh never changed the phone number for the credit cards and I get the calls.

Today we went and had our taxes done. Since we are still married we filed as a married couple. Our CPA ran the taxes as bot filing jointly and filing separately and she would have had to pay additional taxes rather than us getting a return. The CPA explained the benefits of filing jointly. He also advised her to adjust her deduction in case she ends up filing separately next year. This of course concerned her as it would mean even less money in her pay check.

After doing the taxes we stopped off at Starbucks. We sat and talked for a while. She made the comment that she had been having thoughts that it might be easier if we did get back together. I told her that I did not want to discuss the R unless she was prepared to talk about that. I told her that it had to be her decision without pressure and that then I would have to consider if I wanted to pursue that as well. She agreed. I hope I handled this correctly. I did not want her to feel pressured or pursued by me and that she had the space she needs to make her own decisions.