How do I do that? I will do anything to just make it happen already.
At least I am past the point where everything H does made me cry. Now everything he does makes me want to punch him. Even little things.
Yesterday I saw him at PT conferences and he asked if I wanted him to go to the basketball game last night bc D9 had invited him. I said, "we have four tickets; it's up to you if you want to come." (I ignored the part about whether I "wanted" him to come bc the answer to that was no, but that seemed rude to say.) He said "OK."
Sooooo . . . I heard nothing more about it. I had the tickets. And I knew D9 wanted him to come, and thought he was coming. So, when I still hadn't heard from him 40 minutes before game time, I had to get in touch with him. (Did I not? I sure would have rather not texted him, but then I imagined somehow it would be my fault when D9 asked why he didn't come.) Yep, he was planning on coming. This is what drove me nuts when we were M. I don't know what he was thinking would happen - would he just show up and then text me to find him somewhere and bring him a ticket? This is why I planned everything. Because he didn't.
Anyway. At the game, he was on his phone, of course covering it up with the side of his hand (not in an overt way but still fairly obvious), and he would laugh out loud and then type something and then laugh some more. (eye roll.) Then at one point he reached over S7 and me to show D9 a photo on his phone. "Guess what this is a photo of, D9?" She didn't know. "It's the moving men putting my pinball machine on the truck to ship it to the Dad Pad."
Even now just thinking about it, it grates on my nerves. Uggghhhhh! Is he trying to show me how cool he is, or annoy me, or is he just THAT much of a self absorbed idiot?
We had some friends in a suite at the game, so I took D9 over and we hung out with them for a bit (in order to get away from H before I clocked him).
So then today, H comes to pick up the kids. He did his usual thing where he refuses to say what he has planned for them until I'm not around. "Hey guys, you should bring sneakers." The kids ask why. "Because. You might need them for something." "What?" they ask. "Something we are going to do that is REALLY FUN." He won't tell them what no matter how many times they ask. Finally I couldn't stop myself from saying, "I guess it's a big secret guys!" He has done this at least 5 times when he picks them up.
And I am annoyed at myself that I let it annoy me. All this stuff.
How do I not let it annoy me?
I feel like I have come full circle. During the M (esp. the past few years), I would get sooooooo annoyed by things H did. It was like I was looking for the negatives.
Then came BD, and all of a sudden, H was on this huge pedestal. And he was so wonderful, and I felt sooooo bad for having been so negative about him. It was all my fault, why did I do that, etc.
And then I realized that, wait a minute, he is no more perfect than I am.
And somehow now I find I am back to being annoyed by things he does. And almost even looking for them again.
Maybe it's because I am trying to disallow the hurt that comes along with the fact that we are actually getting D? Or maybe he's just a really annoying person.
I don't know. But I need to somehow stop it. (1) So I don't drive myself insane; and (2) so I don't let any of it show to my kids (or H).
Help, anyone?
Two other random notes . . .
I didn't have to address the TKD issue because D9 did it herself. As soon as we saw H last night:
D9: Dad, why weren't you at TKD last night? H: I had a rowing class. D9: Oh. You know, I don't mean to sound smart alecky, but if you're not going to come to something, you should probably email us and let us know. H: [i]Oh. OK. Well, I can't come to TKD on Thursday nights because I have a rowing class.
So I guess he found something better to do than TKD with his family . . . ?? Oh well, not my issue.
Second . . . I caught myself trying to prop up the kids R with H again today. They are going to his rowing competition today. (I have no idea who is going to supervise them for the three hours he is warming up and rowing - but I am letting that go.) I suggested that they make signs for Daddy to support him.
Why do I do that?
I mean, it would be one thing if I was totally detached and just thought of a nice idea. But no, I encouraged that because I know H will like it and it will pump up his ego and make him feel loved and that will help his R with the kids.
(It's kind of like how I used to tell them to run downstairs and give H a big hug when he came home from work.)
Sigh. I feel all kinds of messed up today.
On the plus side, I am about halfway done putting together our foosball table, although the directions say it takes two adults to do it. Ha! I feel cool.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
