Why? Did you start it? Why couldn't you listen to what we're all telling you and keep quiet for a change? well, because I thought he was waiting for me to start it, as he did ask me to approach
"Says he is attracted to her. She is different. Independent. Not needing a guy."
Bingo. You're not listening to this. This is what he wants and you keep showing you're needy.
I am working on this.... is there something specific that would help?
"More confusion from him, I don't know what I want, etc...."
Why do you keep thinking this is confusion? Why can't you just accept the fact that he's trying to figure things out? It's no different than you trying to think about something. Yes, I get this... and accept... He is confused and wants me to know, for some reason it makes him feel better
"We discussed dating websites, etc. I said that since he is checking out the "other side" maybe that I should too."
That is so controlling and manipulative. Not "truth".but, it IS the truth... I have considered, but can't see myself liking it much
"that he was pursued and that makes it OK for some reason."
It IS okay.He means it like, he wasn't the pursuer... and wants to assure me that HE didn't go looking for it
"Then we went back to work, for a few hours... and then I said that I needed to talk. I then asked him some things. By the way he has been with me lately, I wondered if he was needing assurances from me...or if he was trying to assure me?"
That's what YOU want. Assurances. Back off and STFU!yes... I do ... and he is giving me some... on his terms... YES STFU!!
"He didn't know."
Of course he doesn't. Why do you keep asking him? Why can't you just back off even for a week or a couple days. You just can't let things go.OK... starting NOW
"I told him earlier that my time spent not working is spent working on myself. I asked if he was still sexually attracted to me, and put my hand on his thigh."
Manipulative.how?.. you suggested touch???
"I then decided I could say something about a boundary... that if he is interested in OW then I cannot be interested in him."
Manipulative and an ultimatum.how?.. I have read on here about boundary... I was following what I had read on here
"I showed him that my ring tone of him was a nice one of him and DD. We also discussed making out/sex on and off throughout this convo too. I assured him that no one has put there hands on me or my hands on anyone."
Manipulative.wow...here too? how? I don't see manipulation here at all.. I was being honest about the nice photo on my phone and that I have been faithful... he was asking
"I again said I will not be 2nd choice. He understands that.... WTF kind of answer is that?"
Geez. He's being honest. This WHOLE conversation, you didn't LISTEN to him. You keep interjecting yourself into it. Very selfish and shows how little you've learned about listening and acceptance. what didn't I listen too? I don't understand the selfish part?
"About an hour or so later, I get a text saying that he made it back and to the bank just in time... smile I wanted to say things like... since you didn't want to have pizza with me... I'm going to a bar, etc... but texted back "thats really good, catch up later, heading out"
You WANTED to be manipulative.no, I WANTED to say, since you don't want to have pizza with me, don't think that I am sitting at home waiting for you... I'm living life and moving forward
"Im wondering if I should reply with the truth. That I don't feel like seeing him today, because I am struggling with stuff.....???"
Back off.ok... but he keeps texting
"OK... I'm sure there are 2X4's here... lemme have them along with point out ANY positives, please!!!"
He was extremely positive by telling you how he felt. You just couldn't listen.
" I don't want to push the squirrel away."
You are.I will back off
"Im not sure if it helps/hurts or what DB'ing would suggest, for him to know I can't handle what he is telling me."
This shows how little you've learned about DB. You never started working on yourself.oh, I've started... i am a work in progress. Knowing that I value myself (like Ken was suggesting) helps me to focus on myself and to stick to my values.
DISCLAIMER: Please do not see this as not listening to advice or arguing... I am merely trying to fully understand what you are suggesting (so further questions may be asked)... I get some of it, and agree.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
