It just seems I need to start saying more about what I need to move this forward. At least that's what my ants keep telling me.
Search "Ants in my pants, Gunnar Madsen" and sing along with us!
I got ants in my pants Nobody seems to understand It is so hard to sit still and wait until The teacher sees you wave your hand I got to got to got to go yeah everybody don’t you know I got the ants...in my pants
The teacher tells me to be quiet He says “Sit in that chair” He pretends he never had ants In his pants He acts like he don’t even care I’d like to give him all my ants And then I’d watch him do a dance (all the way to france!) I’d put my ants...in his pants
I wish I wish I could be calm To be serene would be sublime I would sit and read books Wouldn’t get no dirty looks I’d be contented all the time But no matter how I try I just can’t be that kind of guy Fish gotta swim And birds gotta fly And if I don’t get to move I’m gonna die
I got the itches in my britches And yet I’m told to settle down I’m gonna bust all the stitches In my britches If I don’t’ get to move around Yeah there’s an itch I’ve gotta scratch I can’t sit here like I’m a chicken waitin’ for an egg to hatch I’ve got itches In my britches I’ve got ants In my pants
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Oh, and for the first time, (because I want to be known as a dedicated, DB big shot like the rest of the folks with a long list of threads) here's my list of threads. Stay tuned... I feel like something is going to give soon.
Ha, nothing to tell yet T. I was working on my "I need more from you" speech earlier today, and then before I could deliver it W started unloading on me about her work headaches. Her world is not ready to be rocked by me.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I've been following the "No Relationship Talks" advice for the duration. Last talk was initiated by W, on our anniversary last June, with a follow up a week later. It was a big one, and it was needed, (tension release on both sides) but it led to no changes.
Meanwhile, my frustration is mounting. I can't do this touchless, sexless M thing forever, even if we are friendly roommates. Like it or not, that's just the reality.
So, tonight when W was telling me about her night out with GF, and how GF wanted her to be with her next week to meet her BF's friends, I asked:
M- Does her BF know you have a H? W- Yes, but you have nothing to do with me being there when she meets his family. M- No, but I have something to do with you... for a while, anyways.
W- (with a pause and a surprised but lighthearted tone) Ohhhhhhhh... For a while, huh? M- (without skipping a beat) Just keeping it real, just keeping it real.
As she walked by me I playfully grabbed her wrist and she tried to pull away, all the while smiling at me and looking into my eyes.
She continued into her bedroom and made another comment about "for a while" but I didn't hear it all, and didn't respond.
This brief exchange was not textbook DB, that's for sure. But I have to start reality darting here, because the longer I hold in my discontentment the worse it'll be when it does come out. I'm thinking I did more good tonight than harm.
Will update as we go. Gosh I love my girl!
Oh, and for the record, I have no problem with W going out with her friends and she knows this.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I've let go, according to my definition, a long time ago. She's more than free to leave or file at any time. I've not talked about our relationship or what I want. I just do my thing and leave her to do hers.
Yet she's not only still here, not complaining about or blaming me, but seems to have BOTH feet in the door. I must be a pretty good option after all.
Since she's not going anywhere, I rationalize that I need to start making MY requirements known for continuation of this relationship.
Before I do GIVE UP, which is much different than letting go.
Last nights comment wasn't great, but was enough to get the ball rolling. And show that I have more power than I thought. I believe we all do.
I expect, yep, EXPECT, that we will soon have some better discussions on the subject of US.
Move forward without fear. Be the man. Ask for what I want.
^^^sounds attractive to me.
I'm reviewing SSM so I don't muff this up.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
If you've let go, if you're prepared for her to walk away......then you have nothing to lose. Throw that truth dart hard and past and stand by ready to listen to whatever spills out.
M32 H37 DD1 6 DD2 5 M6 T10 EA 31.08.13 Separated and H moved out 19.09.13 ILYBINILWY 23.09.13 OW 11.13
