Afraid I have waited too long

[nit84]

Things I wonder about while washing my hands. Not trying to read anything into any of it. I know W is a different type person than me in a lot of aspects.

I have put myself in her shoes to try and understand her feelings for wanting a D to better allow myself to validate her feelings.

Now I am putting myself in her shoes as it relates to getting D. I don't know if it is healthy or wise to do so, but again it is things I think about while washing my hands.


1.) W screamed and yelled that she couldn't live with me the night I moved back. Why is she still living there after almost 2 months?


2.) If D is want she wants why not do anything within her power to make it happen. Borrow the money for L, just out and out take it from one of our joint accounts, or intensify her efforts to find a job to pay for it herself?

3.)If there is not OM then why not at least try MC or IC for that matter? If it still doesn't lead to R at least it was our best effort.

4.) If there is an OM than why not tell me and see if I then would take it upon myself to file( I wont but W doesn't know that). Even if it doesn't make me file it surely would stomp on my heart and since W hates me currently who cares.

5.) If she is packing up to leave why stop after just a few boxes then wait a couple months and pack a few more in front of me? Why not take these boxes from the home and store them offsite.

I can't say for sure if I was in her position I would do anything different from above but in my head if I said things and acted the way W has I certainly would think I would be more focused on my end game.

I would want to get the ball rolling as soon as possible on all facets of moving on with my life. If I didn't wouldn't that make me look like I am not serious and being somewhat immature or worse yet allow somebody to call my bluff, if it is a bluff, and make me look and feel foolish,making an attempt at R that much more difficult?

Or do I hope and Pray that my LBH is still there for me and all will be forgiven because all I really wanted was to get away from being M to them for a while to test the waters.



Again these are just things I wonder about while washing my hands