PatientMan VII - What's My Latitude?

[PatientMan]

I waited to post thinking I would have answers to your questions. I don't.

Do you think that it will ever be possible to have a NEW M (or R or whatever) with your W, if you never fully detach from each other?

Even though I just read your thread and the saw the dread that comes from hearing/reading these three words: I don't know.

Do you think it's possible to have a not-really-clean-not-even-really-break, and still R?

I don't know.

We were broke for a while; before I ever joined this site we went through periods where there was very little contact and communication was limited and short.

BUT, if I'm being honest I don't think we've had a clean break where we've "been apart" for any significant period of time ( > 1 month). Not since we've been divorced.

Also but, now that I think about it, I don't think there has to be a clean break where both parties are fully detached for a reconciliation to happen. In fact, for MWD, that's the "Last Resort Technique" or even past that. She obviously thinks marriages can be saved with less than that. With 180's, GAL'ing, detaching, without a clean break and separation.

I don't know if that applies to me and my situation, though...we're so far down the road.

IOW, do you think it's possible that your inability (on both sides) to break away from one another for even a short period of time is hindering your chances at a real reconciliation?

I don't kn...maybe.

I can certainly see the benefit of a break away (absence makes the heart grow fonder), but this case is difficult to diagnose because she is so complicated and squirrely. That could be just what we need, or it could be just what pushes one of us out the door forever. Of course, maybe that's indicative...

A mere 8 days ago I went to talk to XW about the boundaries we established that she hadn't been keeping, and I was energized about intentionally pushing through a 4 week period where we stuck to those boundaries to a "T". I acknowledged we would both hurt, we would both miss each other, but since we both agreed that this middle place we were in wasn't working then we should go back to the plan and at least give it a shot. I mean, it's only 4 weeks.

She didn't like that idea, especially because she had just lost a friend that day and said she "just needs a friend". In hindsight, perhaps I should have just said "you have friends - we need to work on this."

Stupid woman I love crying and telling me she's getting hit on. Quit playin' with my emotions, Smokey!

I have been thinking lately that I am pretty confused about my H and our M these days - I am just so knee deep in all of it that I haven't been able to really figure out whether I would want to R with my H . . . do I only want him bc he rejected me? Would I have ever been happy with him, continuing on the way we were? Is he even capable of fulfilling my emotional needs? Is he really a great person and just acting like a jerk now, or has he always been this way? Etc. I feel like I can give knee jerk responses to these things, but I'm not sure I am capable of formulating a real answer at this point. Because my emotions are still too intertwined with my thoughts.

Just random musings . . . wondering what your thoughts are.

I think you should work to get to a place where your emotions aren't so intertwined with your thoughts so you can find the true answers to those questions. They're important.

-PM