Thank you for posting, Sandi. I both appreciate and miss your input....I wish you lived on my shoulder.
I, too, hope that maybe this will help XW get some help for her own issues. Of course, that would mean having to acknowledge them (which is very difficult - at least it was for me) and so far that has yet to really happen at a depth that would inspire her to work on herself. Still, -- I maintain hope on one level or another.
Sometimes I don't know if hope is my friend or enemy.
Because of our working schedules XW will have to meet with my IC at 6. Hence, I have to pick S up from school (which I am excited about) and spend some time with him. After that I have ti bring him back to XW when her appointment concludes as it is her weekend with him. This morning I got the following text:
"I anticipate S's transition back to me after appt might be rough...he prefers dad at this age. Anything you can do to keep it positive and matter-of-fact I would appreciate "
I think that is a soft reference to the emotional breakdown S had when I dropped him off on Christmas Eve - where he literally reached out for me and would not let me go and cried his eyes out screaming "I want my daddy!". In that moment, I held him in her doorway and tried to comfort him as best I could as he cried. As mentioned before, XW looked away (she was kind of tearing up as well). She looked at me and said "he suffers when we do this - just so you know". I think what she wanted me to do was just "drop-and-run" regardless of his feelings or the fact that he was crying for me. I chose to comfort him - and I would do that every single time. I think her asking for it to be "positive and matter of fact" it her asking my to not show any emotion and just walk away from him.
I think I will suggest we meet at a neutral spot and let him interact with both of us for awhile to make the transition less abrupt and painful for him.
I am long past the stage of assigning blame and pointing fingers, but I do wish at times that she would unbury her head a little and at least acknowledge that this is not the greatest deal for S. As I have said before, on BD she said "I wanted better than this for S!!" -- and the emotional hits he has to take at the age of 3 are not "better". Sorry if I am venting, but I hate to see him hurt.
Hopefully IC cab help us here.
I am still feeling anxious and just want this event to come and go. *sigh*
"