WAW Said She's Done, III Realization setting in

[OneDay]

So, I emotionally lost it in front of WAW last night!

WAW and I got into another argument about the chore's and who's doing what around the house. She's working 50+ hours this week and feels im not doing enough around the house. She's been keeping score for quite some time and has even admitted that to me. She believe Im intentionally not doing things to pi$$ her off. I told her that wasnt the case, but she didn't believe me.

Then the argument turned into my past drinking problem and how that was (among other things) the downfall of the marriage. She's told me that I have no Idea how it has affected her or the boys. That's when I lost it. I started to cry like a little baby. I could barley talk or even stand up straight. I told her I didn't know at the time how my actions were effecting everyone, but I can clearly see now, albeit late, what it has done. I told her I wish things could be different but I cannot go back and change things now. I told her she gave me the biggest wake up call of my life and I am looking at myself and things around me differently now. She then said she noticed I've changed and likes how Im interacting and my demeanor towards the boys. She even said she's told several people, including the pastor I've changed.

She did not say a whole lot back, only nodded a few times. She eventually went into the room, but came back out because she heard me still crying. She sat next to me and started crying too, and told me she was sorry that I was hurting so much. She said she wants and is trying to forgive me. She said shes sorry for keeping score and cannot let get of her resentments towards me, but really wants too.

After that we both cried for awhile longer, not saying anything, just crying. It was getting late and she eventually said we better get some sleep. We hugged briefly and then said goodnight and she went into the room.

I wish more would have/could have been said, but as usual our communication skills are horrible with each other. I am now feeling worse than ever about myself. I honestly believe that most of this is my fault. Its so hard for me to see and believe how DONE she is with me and this marriage. I do not want to believe this marriage DONE.