First - I believe the crazy email you are referring to is this one that I received last Friday (1/24): Are you interested in moving forward with a divorce if I'm continuing the affair? We don't have to email. We can text or if you want to talk on the phone you can call me during lunch today.
I never responded to this email.
This Tuesday (1/28) I received this email: Hello. How have you been? I was so used to hearing from you that its been weird not talking to you.
I did not respond to this email either.
Yesterday (Thursday 1/30) I received this email: no response to my last email??
It was sent to all three of my email accounts with a read receipt notification on each.
A couple of hours later, after I did not respond, I received the below text: hello???? are you ignoring me?
Shortly thereafter I responded with: No – not ignoring you. I’ve been good. Busy at work – (Big Boss) is up and we’re trying to figure out strategy for this year.
SHE then responded with: ok. i was just checking in I guess. I'm going to RI this weekend. Maybe we should try to meet up next week sometime. I'll talk to you at the beginning of the week.
I did not respond to this last email. I did not carry it further, I did not suggest we meet up and talk - SHE did. She reached out to me 3 or 4 times before I responded and my response was short, to the point and did not offer anything further.
I have also read many many stories on these boards where people say that they have to learn to be friends first. That the LBS should detach but also leave the way home open. How can I do that if I ignore her. We don't have children. How can we have positive interactions, ones where she notices changes and sees potential for a new relationship, when I refuse to interact with her by ignoring her? How can we have positive interactions if I cannot even be civil to her?
I think AS said it in a post to another person recently but this is the tightrope that we all walk in these situations. I don't think that I responded out of an addiction to interact with her. I resisted the urge to respond to two previous emails. I do think that I was in complete control of myself with my response. I waited a few days, I asked for feedback from people here and my eventual response was 100% un-emotional.
Furthermore, I have no idea what her relationship with the OM is at this point. The last I heard from her, he was not interested in talking to her until she was divorced. She has made no moves to get divorced to allow that relationship to continue.
Prior to my no-snooping goal (which I have been able to adhere to btw - have not snooped since Sunday night), I had noticed some obvious changes in their relationship - namely that he had not spent the night at her place since the beginning of the year. This is in contrast to the month of December where he was there regularly.
Maybe this all means something and maybe it doesnt, but if one of my goals is eventual reconciliation, it occurs to me that I have to allow myself to be vulnerable at times. I have to consider the possibility that maybe the veil has started to lift without pinning my hopes and dreams on that being the case.
If I am wrong in all of this and there is another way to do what I am trying to accomplish, please let me know.
Me:38 W:39 No Children BD: 5/13 EA/PA Confirmed: 7/13 W Moved out 12/13
