Just did a really silly thing and googled the ex. Got into his twitter account. Strange thing is he has posted a recent picture without his beard. First time without it in 2 years, not sure I like it - his comment.
Gave me that knotty feeling in my stomach. But I looked at the eyes - there was nothing there. flat and lifeless. Sad.
Had a very unsettled day yesterday, couldn't even get into a book or film. Then had a dream about ex in which he returned, telling every one his marriage was a mistake. then this desire to find what he is doing this morning.
It was only when I went to my diary I realised yesterday would have been our 21st anniversary. Some times it is our sub-conscious that plays the cruel tricks on us.
However, on a more positive note, I have just had lunch with a GF. We discussed a day in London with shopping, dinner and theatre and holiday plans for later this year. Once my house is sold we are thinking of a cruise. Onwards and upwards...
Have just had a telephone conversation with the ex, the first time I have spoken to him since July. since he got married- which he still hasn't mentioned...
I have to see him next week. the house contracts are ready to be signed for the sale and he has asked to meet up. OMG...
He has also said he will take care of the bill I mentioned in my (as yet unanswered) email, although he did explain he cannot receive personal email at work now and gave me a new email address (that he has just set up)to use. Not one the wife will see.
this is soooooo confusing, emotionally and practically. he is still talking about putting some of the furniture from the house into storage until we decide what we want to do with it. What?? I have taken most of what I want/need the rest just needs disposing of. I'm guessing his wife wont want my cast offs!!
Need to deal with this and be in the best place possible (mentally and physically) for when I see him. Don't know how this will play out.
Ab Fab, just catching up on your thread. I like the new name. You latest dream could come through one day. It seems that your ex is very confused. Apparently his marriage didn’t change how he feels about himself and things. And yes, his actions are very confusing. I would say he still wants to be connected to you if he would not be married. It seems like he kind of lives two lives at the same time. It sounds like he is not completely invested in his marriage. I don’t know, it is just my impression from what I’ve read here.
You could very well become the OW, LOL. I’m sure you will do fine when you see him. Just be your Absolutely Fabulous!
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
It's a grey, wet day here and that just about sums up how I am feeling. I have had a couple of busy days this week - lunch with a girlfriend and shopping with my sister.
I think today I just need to sit quiet and "be me" whatever it is I am feeling - and it too will pass - and I will deal with next week when it gets here.
During my "quiet time" yesterday I realised I am the only one finding problems with the current situation. got up today in a more positive frame of mind.
Put on some "respectable" clothes (i.e not old, baggy ready to throw out" Applied for a job Registered with a new dental practice got chatting with some one I'd never met before in the street and gave them my phone number to call me (very nice woman with a puppy she needed help with) - not something I would normally do Texted ex with times I would be at our cottage and arranged a time to meet him.
The respectable clothes are now covered in mud from playing with the puppy, but who cares. I am feeling like I can do anything today...
I'm not quite sure what I expected, if anything. A couple of friends who have an idea about out sitch said "phone me if you need to talk" -there wasn't really anything to talk about.
It was strange walking into "our home" when there was nothing of "us" left. He had removed some of his belongings, but by no means all. And had bought in some "tat" that I guess comes from his wife to make the house look a bit more lived in. Didn't work in my opinion but I didn't voice that thought.
Had a great time catching up with friends - you don't always realise what good friends you have made until you don't see them regularly and they all want to catch up at once.
the morning of our meeting I was busy helping a neighbour out with a flooding issue when the phone rang. Ex, to say he was running late, would still be coming, had had some bad news from the estate agent - another sale fallen through!!!
he turned up. Didn't stay that long(30-45 mins) No longer needed to complete the paperwork. I suggested renting the property but he didn't seem to like that idea. He was very jittery, didn't make eye contact with me the whole time he was there. I tried talking to him about his car (changed it),but he just said he was driving a friends car as he needed/wanted to collect a set of ladders and they wouldn't fit in his. Wouldn't/couldn't/didn't tell me what it was. Didn't mention our precious dog at all. Asked about his mothers health, just got an "alright". I had wanted to try and get into a general discussion about how he was doing/hoped he was happy, but just STFU.
He was gaunt and grey skinned, and his clothes were hanging off him. Wasn't wearing a wedding ring!!
I felt very little, if anything. He seemed worse, not better, that when I last saw him in july.
I did get upset though. That afternoon I attended a funeral service for my old neighbour. Whilst waiting in the church I chatted to her old friend, my ex used to visit her elderly housebound husband to chat about cars. she told me she was sorry that things had turned out the way they were (I have no idea what she knows/thinks) but proceeded to tell me all the nice things my ex used to tell them about me and how proud of me he was. Tears...
Its odd the things that hurt the most. This made me wonder so hard about what the h3ll had gone wrong.
On an odd note. My dear neighbour used to have a tale for every occasion. She even has one for her funeral now. About 40 mins before the service there was an almighty crack and bang. About 50 yards from her front door an enormous tree came down in the storm. It was laying about 10 foot above the road across stone walls. Her hearse had to take a detour and the top part of the tree was across the chapel yard and grave site. Locals chopped it up while the service went ahead so that she could be laid to rest. We lost power, phones and the road was still closed when I left this morning. some story for her to take with her.
Well home again. With abit more furniture, a lot of garden plants and a little more thought about what is going on with ex. He managed to tell me three different stories about why he had to take the ladders - none of which I believe to be the truth. And on that note I leave this with you...
