PatientMan VII - What's My Latitude?

[melissag]

PM. You know I read your threads with interest and am rooting for you!

I feel like we see it all over the place on this board - the old M has to be dead and buried in order to start a new R.

Do you think that it will ever be possible to have a NEW M (or R or whatever) with your W, if you never fully detach from each other? Do you think it's possible to have a not-really-clean-not-even-really-break, and still R?

Just before my H dropped his D bomb on me, I was reading a lot of threads (some in piecing) and beginning to think that you really can't expect to continue on with some sort of R during the time you are apart, if you are ever to reconcile. (Because that is exactly what I was trying to do - I thought that H would come around, but in the meantime, we'd still hang out and ML and do family things and all that.)

IOW, do you think it's possible that your inability (on both sides) to break away from one another for even a short period of time is hindering your chances at a real reconciliation?

I have been thinking lately that I am pretty confused about my H and our M these days - I am just so knee deep in all of it that I haven't been able to really figure out whether I would want to R with my H . . . do I only want him bc he rejected me? Would I have ever been happy with him, continuing on the way we were? Is he even capable of fulfilling my emotional needs? Is he really a great person and just acting like a jerk now, or has he always been this way? Etc. I feel like I can give knee jerk responses to these things, but I'm not sure I am capable of formulating a real answer at this point. Because my emotions are still too intertwined with my thoughts.

Just random musings . . . wondering what your thoughts are.