It was pretty sobering to read through my old threads again. I do that every once in a while just to gauge where I am now relative to before, to ensure I'm growing and not stuck. And if I'm stuck anywhere, to address those areas.
Right now I'm about where I was in late June, just a few weeks after the D. XW was sending me terribly mixed signals. I was addicted. We were in this middle ground place that didn't work for either of us in terms of healing, but we were both too hooked on the other that we couldn't go through with a clean break - we could say it in a heated moment filled with emotion that had been building, but it was fleeting.
The difference now is I have 7 more months of scars, and I have a better guard up. For some delusional reason I honestly feel like XW is trying to figure out a way to R, and she has to work on herself first, which she is actively doing now.
I almost forgot because they're still boxed up, but I have a slew up self-help books to read. I had been putting them off until after I graduated. Well, time to get to it!
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
