Dunno - will never know what would have happened if I did not respond
Perhaps in the short term (today), I might have been better off ignoring it. I think I will be able to get over this anxiety pretty quickly though. At least until early next week when she contacts me again.
Me:38 W:39 No Children BD: 5/13 EA/PA Confirmed: 7/13 W Moved out 12/13
It never ceases to amaze me the excuses a LBS will find to contact his wayward W. Then other LBS encourage you to be civil and don't be rude. Your W continues to be in an adulterous relationship with another man........and you don't want her thinking you are rude for not hoping to respond to her rather crazy email?
Oh I understand the concepts of being the better person, and saying "that is just the kind of person I am", taking the high road, etc., etc. But since I've already explained how the NC was to help you get stronger and get in control of yourself........I see no point of hashing it out any further after you went ahead and contacted her anyway......and even open the door for another contact. That's what I mean dingo. You cannot just answer with "I am find, thanks", and leave it at that. You have to carry it further......Which shows a terrible addiction or dependence you have on her.
Sorry if I sound offensive to anyone, but telling dingo to just respond with a two or three worded friendly email is like advising an alcoholic he should just take one drink so he will appear sociable and not be rude. How much sense would that make? I think he proved the point that he can't do it. He even asked to meet and talk! Unless he is ready to hand over D papers for her to sign (and I don't think he is) he will be facing the same ordeal all over again.
And these actions of NC is not the actions that pushes the WAS further away. I wish that message could get into the mindset of all LBS.
Get that book bug suggest, ASAP.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I believe it was the W who brought up wanting to talk, to Dingo.
Sandi, I get that boundaries are for the LBS, but should it be utterly irrelevant, to someone who is trying to save his M, what the reaction of the WAS will be? I get a little stuck where I think that if I ignore my H, he will think I am being childish and giving him the silent treatment. So I try to respond as minimally as possible (assuming the communication requires a response) rather than ignoring entirely.
I know you were once a WAS . . . did your H go NC on you? What did you think of that?
When Dingo's W reaches out, at what point should he respond to her? Not until she dumps the OM and recommits to their M?
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
I could be wrong sandi but I don't think dingo has given her carte blanche to see OM and he's there to be whatever her desire. I personally think whether he talks to her or not she will continue her R with OM until the 'veil' is lifted if ever. She reached out to him numerous times without any response from Dingo, at some point if he's trying to save his M he should even if it's as little as he did, could that mean she thinks she still has a hold of him? Could be who knows... I believe you reap what you sow, karma, or whatever else you'd like to call it so I think it's good thing that he could be a bigger man and respond because if she doesn't come back he's in a better position with the heavans for something special.
We can't control them with our actions of not responding no more than we can with showering with intense love/affection. Our S know us, they know when it's genuine or not. So when Dingo finally hits his end game he won't have to generate a false bravado, it will be real and she will know it too... Hopefully for her sake she returns before it ever gets to that point.
