she's seemingly taking a greater interest in things. to me she just seemed critical again of S12. She wanted to insert herself into the household affairs, but invests little time in them to begin with.
in a way that does get you and W on the same team. Take the blame out of that and play with it on paper.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Bug, do you think my daughter is right??? that because we both seem stronger and healthier apart its a sign. I feel now that we are not mired in the thick of the fight, we can circle back to see if who we are becoming can work in the M. understand my idea? I also want to say that to W on Saturday. EG "W, we each feel healthier, shouldn't we take a pulse check to see if we have more to work with now that we feel better...?"
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Paul - I think that it is way too early. Your W has come an inch closer and you want to push her a mile. I love the squirrel analogy that you see posted out a lot. Your squirrel took one step toward the nut and you are ready to pounce. You are going to scare her away.
You both need time and space to work on yourselves. I think that the goal point of your conversation should be to set boundaries for all involved. But leave your M out of it for now.
In my opinion. If two people were "broken" and unhappy, that would make the marriage broken and unhappy. The flip side is also true. If two people are "fixed", happy and both want to try, I'm sure that would make for a healthier marriage.
Me-35 Com law-28 S-3 T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu 1st bu- 2/2012 Rec-4/2013 2nd bu-10/2013 IC-2 yrs(anger issues) MC- 5 mnths-fail OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14 New OM ~10/4/14
I also want to add, I'm not saying to do this now. It's potentially what could happen if both people have figured themselves out first. That takes a long time though...
Me-35 Com law-28 S-3 T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu 1st bu- 2/2012 Rec-4/2013 2nd bu-10/2013 IC-2 yrs(anger issues) MC- 5 mnths-fail OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14 New OM ~10/4/14
so....sit with it. sounds like things are "growing" a little. But set boundaries?
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
thanks all. I have a lot to go over with Coach tonight and will Journal later. I just feel that we are moving somewhere off the middle...I know I am and I want to see what's next. I'm not really interested in the "separated for years..." thing the W mentioned weeks ago.
I will share that my D16 was concerned that if W and I got back together, the 'poison' would come along and we'd all be miserable again. She expressed that none of the kids want that. I told her I won't allow that either.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Patience Paul Patience!! Did I emphasize patience?
Have you ever heard the saying, "Slow is fast and fast is slow."?
When you become impatient and push the process, you will inevitably slow things down. Step back and let things play out. It will be clear when she wants to work things out.
Also, just like she has to see consistent changes in you, you have to see consistent changes in her.....over a period of time. Take that from someone who learned the hard way. I changed significantly, and my STBX did not change much at all when we agreed to reconcile. The result is that the wheels fell off again.
Tattoo "PATIENCE!!" to your forehead.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
