I feel my marriage is done

[TSquared2]

I wouldn't push for anything right now if YOU are not done.

If she is in MLC, it's been way too short a time.

If I read you correctly, OM has been around 6 months? The usual timeline for affairs is 6-18 months, to go through the limerance phase to the "um, Mr. Perfect is just a regular old human being after all, snores and farts in his sleep" phase (aka, reality). So the new R drug high phase (and yes, it is like a very addictive drug) may JUST be starting to wear down a wee bit. Which is MAYBE why you have seen some interest from her in your changes, etc. And some testing...that's part of the "are these changes real, or just a ploy to get me back?" question in her mind.

From my readings and experience, women generally take a LONG time to believe changes are real. What a man would accept and believe as real change in a month or two, women seem to take 6 months or longer.

So....imo, it is WAY to soon to start pushing for a decision, MC, etc, if she is MLC, or really, just a WAS. If you do, I'd put money on her response, and I am not a gambler. To the WAS/MLCer, pressure from the LBS generates the flight (RUN!!!) response.


A poster here who has recently been successful with her MLC H, reachingHigher, put together this quick reference card, I would print it out and keep it with you to review often throughout the day:

WHAT I NEED TO DO:
Back off
Give tons of space
Art of silence
Engaged listening
Stop trying to control the outcome
Don't react poorly
Don't try to fix him
Validate him
Let him find his own solutions
Give him time
Give him consistency
Let go of needing to know why

WHAT I MAY GET:
Him come to me on his own
Him trust me

ALSO:
Don't lose hope
Don't think it will be a quick fix
Have no expectations
Act as if my life is great
Act as if he is not coming back
Constantly fine tune based on current realities

REMEMBER:
NO pressure about OP
Maintain emotional control


Patience, man, patience...imo.