I went to C yesterday afternoon. I think that I am going to stick with this C for a while. I have been seeing her for almost a year now and she tells me often how much she has seen me change. I think that it is important to have someone who has seen me walk this journey and knows were I am trying to go.
I had not seen my IC in almost a month (due to her being sick and my trip). We talked a lot about how I have been working to no longer live in fear. I had been scared to remove my rings and to let people know what it going on in my life. That fear is gone. I had been fearful that another guy would not look my way because I have kids and I am S, and that turned out not to be true. I am slowly eliminating the fears that have been holding me back. I think that I may make an appointment with an L just to see what I am facing if my H asks for a D. I would like to see what may happen and what the kids and I may be entitled to, so I can start making plans. I will not tell my H but think that it will make me less anxious.
We also talked about ML. My IC pointed out that she thinks that it is great if my H realizes that I can be physically intimate with him without breaking down emotionally. She said that it will prove that I have changed and that my H may see that I am more independent and detached. Even more importantly, it is a great opportunity for myself to see that I am no longer dangling by my H's puppet strings.
