I'll tell you what I think it means...I think it means "over." That's the place that I can be comfortable with the relationship.
He has told me that this should not have come as a surprise to me because he has long wanted "variety." I guess I just thought that all men wanted variety, but most men didn't actually act on it. And so I find myself here, in my own special kind of hell.
We had always had a very active sex life....Seriously, 4 or 5 times a week was normal for us, so it's not like that part of our marriage was broken. It wasn't varied, but it was active.
I've told him that the whole thing makes me sick, and that I'm terrified he's going to leave me ("No way,") or that he will get her pregnant (she wants to have kids soon) or get a disease. He started thinking about disease, and even though they'd just been kissing, he got freaked out enough that he actually went out and had a herpes 1 and 2 test done. Do you know that he and I are in the minority of people who DON'T have the herpes 1 virus (seriously - most adults have it). He says he would die if he ever gave me a disease.
But he's in her city now. They went out together last night. He hasn't offered ANY information about their conversations (he often does). But here he sits today - trying to flirt with me. And I'm losing my mind, because I'm flipping damned if I do and damned if I don't. In previous trips, I would have been delighted to flirt with him...but now...now it just feels wrong.
Me 43 H 43 Married 18 years Together 21 years Two kids, 15 and 13 BD 11/14/13 (but not asking for divorce - just informing me of OW)
