Blissfully married for 18 years. Would have sworn we were the poster children for awesomest marriage ever. At 18 years and one month, H drops the bomb that he'd specifically gone on a business trip to tell a 30-year old newlywed co-worker that he was "smitten" with her. He didn't know if she would laugh at him, yell at him, or return the emotion. She has returned the emotion. He did, in fairness, tell her that his marriage is paramount to him, and that he doesn't want to hurt her marriage either.
He returns from the trip and tells me to give him a high five...he actually thinks that, as his best friend, that I'll be stoked for him that a 30 year old woman is interested in him. He is shocked that I'm hurt. He is then MAD that I'm hurt. He thought we were stronger than this. I'm stunned.
They go on a furious email and IM exchange over the next month. She sends lots of pictures. They exchange music preferences. She sends him pictures of choices of nail polish. He encourages her to wear dresses (and so she goes and buys one for the office party). She holds his hands at a pub while he hangs his head, embarrassed. She says to him, "You're never going to kiss me..." so he does. They go to a hotel room and get physical, but don't go all the way. I'm being informed about these things if I ask, but I've been warned from reading the messages because they might "hurt."
Twice I ask him to break up with her. Twice he cries, and says that he doesn't want to make her sad. He says he cares about me, but I point out, "Not enough..." Indeed...not enough. This itch feels too darned good to scratch.
Then she leaves for a three-week international vacation with her husband, so the correspondence cools, but doesn't stop. He and I have a great time together. We go on dates and feel kind of normal. He tells me repeatedly that he loves me and our life. Repeatedly I hear that he isn't leaving our marriage, that we will grow old together. He tells me to be patient while he brings this relationship to a place that I can be comfortable with. He claims to "worship" me. He says he is glad that I've started sitting with him on the couch in the evenings again - he likes that time with me.
So...Do the 180s apply? For me, a 180 would be spending MORE time with him, not less. He wants me to flirt with him by IM while he's at work, but I feel like it's a competition and I'm NOT going to compete with OW. He sent me a text at 5 am saying that he loves me, but I don't even know how to respond to that right now...Tell me when it's over, buddy....Then it will mean something to me.
I'm definitely a stander...I've told him that I'll wait this out. It feels like a MLC to me since he was talking about some regrets that he's had about getting married at 24 and he's trying to make up for those things. I don't know....It's just so confusing. I don't know how to do this.
Me 43 H 43 Married 18 years Together 21 years Two kids, 15 and 13 BD 11/14/13 (but not asking for divorce - just informing me of OW)
