Barrybran II - Six Weeks In

[Lostforwords]

There you go B...You've got your 5 plus 4 more. That is what I like to see.

See how nicely things start flowing when you slide your focus from purely on your wife to a mix of her and you?

The parents are a mixed blessing....So focus on the positive part and not the negative. It is difficult, but as you said they are taking the kids some.

[Barrybran]

We both love my parents but they'd been with us for two months and aside from a few weeks when my grandfather passed, with my wife since July. With everything that has been going on it was nice to have our own space again. We appreciate their presence and they're welcome anytime but we're just parent-fatigued :-)

[Barrybran]

It's been a low key couple of days here. Just kicking back at home with my wife, kids and parents and going about my weekend as I wait for the coming week and this job stuff to start rolling. My wife called me from work today to tell me her uncle read my letter in the paper and that he'd have a word with his friend, who happens to be the local mayor, about the situation. Funny thing is, even if I find work in town, it'll validate my article about who you know and not what you know. Funny how country towns work.

Anyway, I had a weird afternoon today. I felt down for some reason. I couldn't put my finger on it but I have some theories. My wife has mentioned about wanting a white dining table and me potentially converting the one we have when we have some money. Long story short, I went looking for matching chairs online and couldn't find anything suitable and after a while, I was pretty tired of looking and watched some TV. I have a fear of failure; not sure if that's a real thing but I have always hated failing. I don't know if it's connected to my mood this afternoon but I did put a lot of effort into looking for these chairs and I've felt off ever since. I went and watered the lawn on my own and took a long shower but I still feel off, though mentally I feel a bit better, just a headache. On top of looking for chairs, I've done next to nothing today and I've eaten like crap all day. I also haven't been to the gym since Tuesday (the owner has taken off for the weekend and left no notice he was closing for the weekend). The kids weren't around and my wife was at work so I thought I'd relax and enjoy the day but I feel worse today, physically and mentally, than I have since I took on this DB stuff. It's the first time I think I've ever noticed the connection between my diet and activity compared to how I feel. Odd, I know, but a first. I felt myself becoming short with my wife and kids but I did notice it almost immediately and I just tried to distance myself if I felt tense. I'm thankful for noticing.

Aside from that, yesterday, with my kids gone for the day I helped my wife at work and we worked together for pretty much the whole day. We had genuine teamwork and she was occasionally playful. We also talked quite a bit, just small talk stuff with a few general life things thrown in. I was tired but I really enjoyed the time with her. At home we showered together, which I took too far and strangely regretted, and then we watched movies with my parents. It was interesting noticing that I felt good spending time with her without expectations and when I pushed for something, it wasn't as good for either of us. Something for me to remember and work on.

The only other thing of note is that I've almost finished reading DB. I have DR and 5LL waiting for me and I'll be ordering 'The Way of the Superior Man' when I have some spare change.

All in all, a fairly average feeling couple of days but I'm happy with the little things that have been happening with my wife and I. My wife has a full week at work before heading out of town for the weekend and my son returns to school for the year on Wednesday. Hopefully, I'll get a couple of phone calls and I'll wind up working myself, for money, not my wife this time!

[Lostforwords]

Everybody has a down day B.....For myself, I don't deal with a slow day very well. It affects me mentally and physically. What I have found is that just like everything else you need to find balance. All to often I go from my usually high gear to complete stop.....and that isn't good for the soul. So for me....I try to find the balance between crazy go and relaxing stop.

A secret to living a good life B...Don't work for money. Work for fulfillment physically and mentally. If you can do that, and let go of the money aspect, you will be happy. The money will come....but you won't have the stress of just being a paycheck.

[Barrybran]

I can't wait to get into DR. I'm almost done with DB and I'm keen to read the WAS syndrome section. This evening, my wife mentioned wanting to make inquiries into how much the house we live in would be worth if we ever decided to buy. She wants to see where we're at and what we'd be looking at in regards to saving. These have been my ideas for a long time but we're not in a position to buy our own house and she's never shown much interest in doing so before.

All of this came about because my wife and I have been watching a lot of real estate/renovation shows on TV recently (together) and her brother, who lives on the other side of the country, wants to return to our town some day and asked my wife to look into a property for him. Needless to say, as much as my wife saying she wants to find out how much our house is worth is music to my ears, I see it as impulsive and I'll just plod along looking for work and cross that bridge when a) I have one and b) I believe she's genuine.

Aside from that, there's really nothing to suggest we're a couple right now. We're civil, sometimes playful, but our day to day lives are just about getting through the work day and shipping the kids off to bed. These TV shows have become our thing and it sparks a lot of conversation and small talk, which is good, but it's far from where I want to be. I am at peace with where I am though; kind of like knowing where I am and where I want to go and understanding that it'll take action of some things and time on others.

On the job front, I didn't receive any calls today. I found another job that may be worth applying for so I'll make a call tomorrow and find out. Aside from that, it's housework, chasing kids and my wife wants me to help in her store but hasn't actually asked for help yet so we'll see how that plays out.

[Barrybran]

Geez I hate this WAS stuff sometimes. My wife calls me to come and help her with something at her work and I go and help. I take the kids because they love seeing mum. She asks me to grab her something for lunch and has no idea what she wants. Eventually, I set off out of the store to grab her lunch and my youngest runs off out of the store and out of my view. I call her back and smack her on the bottom. She's 2 and we're in public so time out is not an option and yet I'm the bad guy. I'm pretty pissed about it because I'm the one helping her and chasing the kids and yet I get judged.

Just thought I'd vent that to let off steam. Just trying to cool myself down before I head back to her.

[2ndTimeHurt]

I'm not judging your parenting style. You do what you gotta do. Im just going to state what my ex and i do. I find that I can give my son a timeout in public. There's no hitting, no yelling. Just me picking my son up and heading to a corner or isle or chair or whatever. I calmly tell him what he did wrong, and then we hug it out. It doesn't work all the time and sometimes he screams all the way to the truck, but I guess toddlers will do that:)

[Barrybran]

I don't care how much of a nuisance my kids are, when my child runs away from me and could be hit by a car, I don't care how young they are, they're gonna find out they stuffed up. I may have to suck it up and try a time out wherever I am next time.

Since my last post, my wife actually sent a text apologising for being snappy earlier. Lately, she's made a point of apologising, saying good night to me and thanking me for little things. It's refreshing because she never used to do it. I'd love to show her appreciation for it but complimenting still seems a little suck-up-y at the moment so I've given it a miss.

I went to the real estate earlier to report a fault in our house and while I was there I asked how much our house would be worth if we bought it. My wife and I are in no position financially or emotionally to buy at the moment but I've wanted to know since we moved in and with my wife's recent interest I figured now would be a good time to ask, evaluate our position and have one eye on the future if things worked out. The agent said she's mail out her last appraisal and ask the owners how much they'd want if they sold.

Lastly, the big one for today, I have a two week trial next week at the local Subway store. The owner herself called me and told me I'd just be making sandwiches and housekeeping to see if I could see myself doing it and for them to evaluate me. After that, if they decide to keep me on, I'll be trained as the replacement store manager and away I go, back to gainful employment. This is huge for me. It's an opportunity to go back to work, find some balance between spending time with my wife and kids and having space from them, meeting new people and having money for things my wife and I want. I see the current Manager tomorrow to discuss some things and it looks like I'll be starting Monday :-D

[Lostforwords]

Congrats on the job trial....That sounds like a perfect job to fit into your current family situation.

As for the house price....It never hurts to know. I am not a big believer in renting unless you can't qualify for a mortgage. Why pay for something that you don't own. I don't know how it is in Australia, but around here rent usually runs $400-500 more than what a mortgage would cost on the same piece of property. That said, you do have to qualify for a mortgage LOL.

The wife's little actions are a good thing....It means she is aware of her actions and your actions. I suggest you start doing the same....as it isn't suckup'ish unless you do it overboard. Always remember to treat others as you want to be treated....and vice versa.

While I do agree that kids can't be running in front of cars and have to learn one way or the other to respect parents wishes....I think you could have handled it differently. First we have to be aware that you grew up in a controlling household and you yourself have been accused of being very controlling at one point. That said, you also came on here posting filled with a good amount of anger....not just at your daughter, but also at your wife (inability to make a lunch choice, being snappy, resentment about you watching the kids alone, etc)......B, this is big picture type stuff not just this one situation. IMHO, you let you totally frustration with everything that was going on carryover to the punishment. Now you need to parent as you see fit, so I am not questioning the punishment....I am questioning that true cause behind the punishment? Do you get what I am saying?

Remember your 180's....they aren't to save your marriage, they are to make you a better B.