Barrybran II - Six Weeks In

[Lostforwords]

That is it....read it with an open mind, but don't make it a 100% lifestyle. What I do is read a chapter and then make a quick 5-10 word synopsis in my phone (I use the bucketlist app for this)for reminders.

[Barrybran]

Cheers for that. I haven't heard of the bucketlist app so I'll check that out too. I use S Memo in my Andoid phone... I'm going to have memos everywhere!

[Barrybran]

Journaling:

I had a pretty good day today. I woke up by myself in the spare room to my wife screaming at our kids and I really didn't want to get up. I spent a bit of time by myself, not mopey, just giving my wife space and taking my own and eased myself into the day.

My wife went off to work and I resumed reading DB, which I wound up doing outside because the kids wanted to play and it was a nice day outside. I wound up getting to the SBT section and things I've been reading here started to make more sense. I am still early in the book but it put me in a positive, thinking mood.

My wife got home and I asked her about her day to which I listened and validated. Despite the past couple of days, yesterday in particular, she had a lot to say. No relationship stuff, just her day at work, her feelings about what her colleagues have done in her absence and plans she has coming up.

We had a good afternoon after that. She played a prank on me changing channels while I was watching the cricket (we have two TV's with the same style of remote so they work on both), I put on music again while watering the lawn which became a run around our yard with my wife (her idea; we have a large yard being in the country) and then my wife and I investigating old an irrigation setup we found under tress surrounding our yard (again, her idea).

After dinner, it was the usual baths and bed for the kids and I went into the loungeroom and started a puzzle. As much as I have given my wife space, I found that she talks to me more when I'm in the same room doing my own thing (usually watching TV). Kinda like giving her space but in her presence. Anyway, she started reading me statistics from articles she was reading about the prevalence of cheating, including cheating by newlyweds and the difference in perception between males and females about online infidelities. We discussed what she found calmly and openly.

A while later, I heard a message tone from the site I abused (also the site where I met my wife) and asked my wife about it. Not a great idea but I was confused as to why she was receiving messages. It had been so long since I'd been to the site that I forgot that women got tonnes of messages and men didn't. She said that she'd ignored the message and that she didn't open them unlike me (I deserved that). That prompted some questions from my wife about my usage of that site and the number of encounters I had. As she went to bed she showed me a letter she had written in a Word document, but doesn't intend to send, to the primary person I cheated with basically saying 'I don't blame you but be more aware of your choices next time you're faced with the same situation'. In her research she's found people who have written letters to their spouse's affair partners as part of their processing and healing so she's had a go at one herself.

She called me a douchebag as she left the room but told me she was going to bed and said good night which is something she doesn't do when she's upset. I also read the infidelity articles she had open in her browser which gave me some insight too.

It's Sunday here so there wasn't much I could do on the job front but I was in a more positive frame of mind, my wife shared with me and I picked up more information which I'll take as a decent day given the past couple of days.

[Lostforwords]

That's my boy....That is the Barrybean I like seeing. No moping, listening, validating, and accepting your actions.

That is how a man walks my friend

[Barrybran]

Thanks LFW. Today is a big day for me. I've just made inquiries into a couple of jobs and sent applications off to a couple of others. Nothing is ideal, the jobs are each located one hour from where I live, but I have figured out that I need to work for my own reasons and I've tried to strike a balance with my desires to both work and be with my family by applying for these jobs.

I'm not really suitable for either of the jobs I have applied for but I figured I'd throw my hat in the ring anyway. One of the jobs was advertised through a job agency who responded to my email by sending me a link to a job they have advertised for a short-term position they have in their own office. One of the companies I sent a resume to I actually called first to find out if they had any positions (they don't). Long story short, I asked specifically about one location and discovered they do fly-in, fly-out (FIFO) work which is what I used to do in my native state. Many companies have moved away from this due to cost but this company has kept up with it. So I've made it known I would do FIFO work if it were available.

So I've kinda followed up on the challenge to apply for work and kinda not. I've never been a fan of cold calling (thankfully, I read a passage in DB where one of MWD's clients feels the same) and so I came up with a different plan. Again, the job locations aren't ideal but I want to work and see how everything plays out from there.

I also made some inquiries about playing Australian Rules Football in a nearby town. I've wanted to play all my life and my Dad never let my brother or I play due to the amount of injuries involved, which I understand. I always wanted to play just one season though and at age 30 my chances are running out. By no means is it a done deal because chances are if I find work it won't be here, the cost may be too much, there is a LOT of travel involved and I still have three kids to look after and a wife to consider.

On top of that, my wife snuck into my room yesterday morning, which was a pleasant surprise after the infidelity discussion, I had a lazy day while my wife was at work, we went to the pool when she got home and then we offloaded the kids for the night and watched movies (her idea; I was going to go and water the lawn again... poor lawn is dying!).

Tonight, my wife won't be home until late so now I'll just do some housework, play some games and maybe I might make it outside before I go and pick my wife up from work.

[Lostforwords]

Now that is a another good day B.....Excellent stuff other than not water the lawn, but you were distracted....So you get a free pass on that one...

About the jobs....Honestly B, cold calling isn't much better than just emailing resumes. People looking for jobs face to face is much better. While I know that is a bit more difficult in your situation, it is a better solution. Think about it in DB sense....saying you are going to change is not as good as changing without telling anybody. If you show up face to face....The employer might not have a job, might turn you away, but they KNOW that you are hungry for work. I have gone on job interviews like that and got called from a different employer....because while the interviewer didn't have job, they noticed my hunger and knew somebody else who needed an employee.

An hour isn't bad....that is definitely commutable. As for the football, just make sure you are covered in case you get hurt. I love sports, but as long as you are covered if a real injury occurs (blown out knee etc). While I whole heartedly support your ambition on playing you are a dad and have to be aware that the responsibilities of daddyhood are more important.

[Barrybran]

Yeah, I don't honestly think the football is going to happen but thought I'd look into it anyway. There's not a lot that goes on here really.

[Lostforwords]

By all means look into it....just be smart about it. Here in the states we get a little bit of Australian type shows....Looks like your choices are swimming with sharks, wrestling crocodiles, or football. I am not sure which one is the safest.

Maybe a mix of all three...Play football against crocodiles in a shark filled tank...Now that we would a world wide popular sport.

[Barrybran]

I live five hours inland so I can't do any of those. I could wrestle a cow perhaps.

[Barrybran]

It's been a productive couple of days. I've searched the job sites, made some calls and I've put in some resumes. All in all, I have 6 resumes out there with another 3 to put out. One of the ones I submitted was a local job advertised today and one I've yet to submit is for a Store Manager job at Subway which my wife's friend's sister is currently doing but trying to move on from.

Aside from that, I've responded to a letter in the paper about local employers trying to recruit staff from metropolitan areas without regard for training locals and I've helped my wife in her store. So it's been pretty busy on the work front.

After tomorrow, I just keep tabs on the jobs and I'll see what happens. My wife and I are cautious optimistic about the jobs I've put in/will put in for.

As for things between us, we've kept it relaxed, she's done her thing, I've done mine, though we've spent a lot of time together between me helping her at work, her helping me with job ideas and us not having the kids around for a couple of nights. My parents are back for a week which neither of us are fans of but it's short term and we'll just plod along on our current track.