One baby step at a time...

[2ndTimeHurt]

Tonight I did some more 180's and got more verification of how flip floppy and unreliable she is(like I need more verification,haha). We agreed I'd just pick her up from work at 7 then head to Walmart. She texted me later in the day to meet at walmart. A classic example of how she always changes her mind/plans. I say no worries meet you there. Usually I'd text beforehand to make sure the plan is still on, only to have her say we already discussed it. So I 180'd and decided to go with said plan. 8 o clock rolls around and I'm in Walmart parking lot. I text her and get no response so I call and still no response. She texts back saying she's running late(mind you she's off at 7 so she went somewhere). My mind reading skills suspect she went to get a quick workout in with her boss. Anyway, she finally shows up at 8:30 wearing sweats and looking kind of rough around the edges. Her perception of me is that id make a stink over her being late(i used to but counseling helped me with that, i havent made a comment about her being late in 2 years. And she is always late). I asked if she did a workout, but she said she did in the morning. I left it at that and said nothing more, another 180. But I am wondering why she was in her sweat pants and jogging shoes. Surely she didnt meet up with captain awesome looking like that!

So we're walking around Walmart and she's getting all upset because she can't decide anything. She does that and I just keep suggesting things to her, more for my amusement because I'm telling her to get batman shirts. Haha. So we decide to eat at my place. She buys a few things to eat(she refrained from buying pop because she said she's not drinking pop anymore) and we head home. We actually had a decent time making food and eating. She even suggested playing rockband but it was getting late.

We're sitting on the couch and she starts playing with her phone(Facebook). She's showing me her ex's before me for some reason. I 180'd huge here and acted like I was interested. Here's where I get pissed off inside. As she's showing me her phone I see that captain stupendous texts her twice. She didnt even turn the phone away from me. I tried to read it but her phone is cracked into a million pieces I could barely make out the words. Another huge 180, I said nothing. Honestly I wasn't even that mad. I just told myself this girl is damaged and I should feel compassion(pity, haha) for her. She has no clue what she's doing. She is so oblivious of the pain she caused me and all the responsibilities she's left me with. I'm basically raising my son myself yet she thinks it's a 50/50 arrangement. I'm the one who tucks him in, I'm the one who feeds him, I'm the one who brushes his teeth, I'm the one who takes him to daycare and picks him up, I'm the one teaching him all my catchphrases. I honestly don't know when the last time she bathed him.

She tells me she thinks she needs to see a doctor. I get worried and ask why. Did I mention I think she's a hypochondriac? I read being a hypochondriac is a sign/symptom of depression or bipolar or bpd, I can't remember. Regardless I believe she is one. Anyway, she tells me she's having her period(yay, douchebag can't get action from her this week). She said she just had her period a couple of weeks ago. She was self diagnosing and is worried it could be anything?!? I actually do have compassion for her because her sister has some health concerns and she got them around the same age.

It's time for her to go home but she wanted a pit stop at the drugstore to get tampons and POP!!! I thought she quit drinking that stuff.

I seriously want to know what's wrong with her. I want to know not to fix her but for my own sake. I love solving puzzles or riddles, kind of like house(from that show house Md).

Anyway, I think I handled tonight fairly well considering I'm still in love with her. I'm really in fake it til I make it mode. I did that last time and it seemed to work well for my sanity.