Wow, huge info, 25. Thank you so much for sharing your own sitch, as well as helping me along the road with mine!
So, where to start. First, I want to express that I was extremely happy and appreciative that W was able to spend the first year with D. That was huge! I was also very very happy that she was able to transition herself into an at home child care business. We really were reaping the benefits of both sides, in regards to work and raising our child. With my occupation, I have a LOT of at home time as well. Rest assured, I put in a good deal of effort in raising o9ur daughter and helping with the childcare business. It was not solely W's responsibility. Our little family spent a great deal of time together on a daily basis. For me, it was grand. For W, I feel she didn't feel fulfilled. She complained a lot about kids driving her crazy, not having enough adult time, that the parents were unappreciative of the effort she put in, etc. To be honest, my W really liked to complain. She complained about me. She complained about her friendships. She complained about her family, my family, pretty much everything. I don't feel that was because she was unhappy. I think that was imply the way she was, much in the same way I have/had my own issues.
In regards to her working the system, I whole heartedly agree with AS. I think that she is. Actually, not only do I feel she is working the system, but I also feel she is working OM. With her income, she does not have enough to make the car payment on her European SUV, or her unlimited Cell phone plan, Let alone feeding and taking care of our child. I don't think I have seen her in the same outfit twice, in the past year. I know that OM must be paying for an awful lot. I am basing that on the fact that they just got home from a Mexican vacation. They also visited Arizona and Nevada. W recently informed D that she is getting a new motorcycle for D to race on OM racing team. About 3 months ago, she bought D a racing BMX bike. The list of luxuries is long. She is living WAY, WAY beyond her means, and OM is picking up the bill. I feel bad for him, because he recently sold his own mothers house. She has advanced dementia and lives with OM. He is spending the money from the house sale faster than a popper on payday! OM himself has a fairly small means of income. He is a 48 year old carpet layer, who doesn't have a business license. It is still a down market here too, so it seems that he works about the same amount of hours a week as W does, meaning very little. I know that recently he applied for financial aid so that he could go to a trade school. He is now a full time student, I guess.
Wifes finances concern me for two reasons. One, I feel strongly that she is choosing not to work, in hopes of getting a higher child support payment, and possibly alimony money. I also worry about her finances, because she has painted herself, and more importantly my daughter, into a position of relying heavily on assistance from OM. What she chooses to do for herself is fine, but I don't like the idea that Daughter may be stuck in a household, or a relationship that becomes unhappy or unhealthy, simply because W doesn't make enough to leave the situation. Those are huge concerns of mine, and I think they are very valid.
in regards to W's work. She works at a firm. She was given the job by a friend of hers who owns the firm. Her original job was to work 12 hours a week, filing and processing paperwork. Then, the friend offered to pay for W to get her license. She followed through, but still chooses to work that original 12 hours a week, with no effort to advance (much) with a client base of her own. She refuses to cold call, which is almost essential to move yourself forward in that industry. It has literally been well over a year, and she earns $500 a month.
