Afraid I have waited too long

[nit84]

MrBond,

I am not afraid of my W actions. I can't control what she does or doesn't do. I can only control myself.

I have worked hard and backslide and had doubts. The one thing I know is I want stand for my M. I am trying to follow DB principles. I am moving forward based on this. I realize it takes time and effort and I fully intend to give it my all.

Without much chance to empathize or validate my W feelings because of lack of speaking, I am unsure how to handle certain situations with the W when and if they come up. That is what is troubling me not what W does.

I have self-confidence in almost everything I do except when it comes to my M. I guess this is the Alpha vs Beta that Stander talked about. When I tried to be Alpha in the M the W was ok with it until she became a WAS then it was turned around on me into a control issue. I thought I was doing fine in my M but the W had others thoughts. I now see that I was not doing the best job as a H as it pertains to my W. I know I am not a horrible person and will make a great H if given the chance with or without W.

I just needed to step back and see our M from a different view. It truly is eye-opening when you do this correctly. I hope I have done this at least, somewhat correctly. I am not done improving myself for me and me either. If another chance with my W is a by-product great!!

Cadet is right the W has given me a gift, the gift of time. I am trying to use it wisely and not ruin any, unseen by me, progress that I may have made to this point.