No 2x4s for you. You sound like you know what you are doing. As long as it doesn't bother you. My experience with W staying over is on my thread and is much different than yours . I agree you H is probably missing home. I have sympathy for our WAS's but I can't live my life to accomodate mine anymore.
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Hey 3-I was not expecting this twist. How are you feeling? You are a grown woman that can choose to ML to estranged H if you choose. You know how you feel about it-not just at the time, but now.
No 2x4's here. It does sound like he's been missing home lately.
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
I went to C yesterday afternoon. I think that I am going to stick with this C for a while. I have been seeing her for almost a year now and she tells me often how much she has seen me change. I think that it is important to have someone who has seen me walk this journey and knows were I am trying to go.
I had not seen my IC in almost a month (due to her being sick and my trip). We talked a lot about how I have been working to no longer live in fear. I had been scared to remove my rings and to let people know what it going on in my life. That fear is gone. I had been fearful that another guy would not look my way because I have kids and I am S, and that turned out not to be true. I am slowly eliminating the fears that have been holding me back. I think that I may make an appointment with an L just to see what I am facing if my H asks for a D. I would like to see what may happen and what the kids and I may be entitled to, so I can start making plans. I will not tell my H but think that it will make me less anxious.
We also talked about ML. My IC pointed out that she thinks that it is great if my H realizes that I can be physically intimate with him without breaking down emotionally. She said that it will prove that I have changed and that my H may see that I am more independent and detached. Even more importantly, it is a great opportunity for myself to see that I am no longer dangling by my H's puppet strings.
Good for you, 3. It sounds like you are becoming confident again and taking charge. Living in fear is awful and I have realized over the last few months how much that mindset has held me back (and made me try to control). An ugly cycle.
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
News of my S is slowly spreading around my office. One of the partners I work for all the time asks me at least twice a day if I am okay. I swear that he is waiting for me to burst into tears. The funny thing is that for six months (and the entire year before that) I have come to work every day and just keep going no matter how much my heart was breaking and no one had any idea. My best friend at work who has known since BD told me that two people have come to her to ask questions. At least I can go to her and laugh about their crazy questions. I am glad that I did not tell everyone right after BD because I would have not been prepared to talk to people about this. Hopefully the news of my S gets old after this weekend and there is some other good gossip to focus on next week that I am not involved in.
Hi 3, I posted to you yesterday but I don't see it! I must have messed something up when I posted. I won't bother retyping it all since everyone else said essentially the same thing - no 2x4s for ML with your H, and as long as you are OK with it, who knows, maybe it will end up being a good thing.
I am with Blues . . . fear is what keeps us stuck. I also do think, though, that it takes time to overcome the fear - I don't think that you can just blow through it all at once. It's a process, like everything else. You are doing a great job of moving forward and slaying one fear after the other. I'm a bit behind you, so I always look to see where you are and it inspires me to see you doing so well. I think that telling others about the S is a sign of acceptance, or perhaps just helps with acceptance - not sure which or whether it matters.
I imagine that people at work will get bored of talking about you, especially when they realize there are no juicy details to gossip about. And then you will see who at work cares about you . . . I feel like sometimes support comes from places you wouldn't have expected, so who knows?
Have you seen H since he left after ML? How is he acting?
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Have you seen H since he left after ML? How is he acting?
I have seen H everyday this week due to my crazy schedule, although it is only for a few minutes each time. H is acting "normal" as usual. I do think that it has been a little less awkward than the past couple of weeks which is actually a bit surprising for me since he normally pulls way back after taking a step forward.
H did send me an email the day after ML about switching some dates in February/March. I did feel one second of sadness that this S will be continuing for months (maybe forever), but this time it really only lasted a second. I wrote him back agreeing to 4 out of the 5 changes since I had already made plans for one of the days. At the end of his email, he said that he hoped I had a good day and that he hoped I feel better (got sick after my trip). He usually keeps emails/texts to all business, so that was a bit of a change. But otherwise, things have been pretty much business as usual.
On a completely random side note, the guy that flirted with me in Vegas has texted me a few times since (our group had exchanged numbers with his group to hang out another night but we never met up). I have no idea why considering we live on opposite coasts and I will never see him again. This experience has shown me two things: (1) maybe another guy will pursue me even if I am D; (2) I am so not ready for another relationship.
My H called on my way home from work to discuss logistics with the kids for tonight. H knew that I have been sick. H said that he hoped that I was feeling better but that if not he had left something for me at the house that he hoped would make me feel better. When I got home, I saw that h had left me a box with a dozen cupcakes from Georgetown Cupcakes. I could tell from the label that one of his clients had likely ordered it for him. When h dropped off the boys he confirmed that a client had sent him two dozen cupcakes and that he had out one aside for me because he knows how much I have wanted to try them. I used to watch the show and talk about wanting to go into the city to get some. So even though H did not buy them for me, it was still nice of him to think of me. It made me smile. I am now enoying a cupcake and trying to refrain from trying each one since they all look so yummy.
