There's one big issue in your stitch that I believe needs some more attention. The fact that your W is pregnant by another man. As you have said, you keep thinking about your M....so how do you feel about the possibility of her staying and you raising another man's child?
Another question I don't believe I've read yet....has she told OM she is pregnant with his child? Have you asked her if she has told him?
Examine your heart closely, D, b/c this pregnancy is just the beginning of a future you had not counted on. I'm talking about if the OM decides to be a part of the child's life. Even if you and W stay together, your lives will be connected to OM (in some ways) by this child. Could you handle seeing him come to your home to pick up his child for the holidays (or whatever)? It's something you may not be able to answer right now, b/c you've just been hit with the news.
A woman who is having an A is confused about her feelings and can very easily make bad decisions. Being pregnant just compounds those emotions. It compounds the problems. Being pregnant can cause a woman to feel emotionally bonded to the father of her child.....if she thinks she loves him. However, if the two of you decide you want to work on your M, then it can work. You may decide you want to save this M before she reaches that same decision. That is usually the case when a LBS comes to the board. If that is your situation, then you really have a difficult road to travel. We are here for you. I want to encourage you to post every day possible. It will keep your thread more active.
Word of caution about her leaving or not. Know what you want first of all. Know what your personal boundaries are. In other words, what can you live with? And, what are things you absolutely won't live without? I think most of us who have been around for a while have learned a lot about ourselves, and I think you will also. But having a good idea of what boundaries are......I mean the true definition of personal boundaries.....is a good place to start when making decisions.
Think about the man you want to be. What if he was the very best You possible? What would that guy be? Think about it. Then start to make small, reachable, personal goals that will get you on your way in becoming that man.
You may not see what any of this has to do with your M problems at the moment, but I assure you that it does. Maybe you aren't quite ready to hear all of this yet. But I hope you will think about the man you were when that girl fell in love with you. Did he change? How can you improve him to be better? When you read where we say focus on you, that is what we mean.
Protect yourself. Know your rights. Protect your health. Protect your finances.
Get free legal advice, if possible, to see how your state does things in these situations. You may even be able to google certain questions. Doesn't hurt to ask. If she gets a D while pregnant or after the baby is born....find out how it would go for you. I'm not trying to sound like I'm jumping the gun here, or being negative. I'm being realistic and telling you to be prepared as best you can for "whatever". A lot of men are blindsided b/c they have their head stuck somewhere that hinders their sight. So think about all your options before striking out with no plan in mind.
While you are getting your thoughts together, be sure you do not threaten her or do things that look as if you are punishing her. Do not give ultimatums b/c they will backfire! Don't try to work things so she'll think about this or that. You are in a delicate situation and right now you have a lot on your plate without taking all of that on, as well.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
So think about all your options before striking out with no plan in mind. 