I think that it may be time for some 2x4s. I am prepared...
I had a meeting for work last night, so we changed up our schedule so H had the kids. As always, he watches them at my house. My meeting was not until 7pm. H mentioned earlier that if I could not find him, he may have accidentally fallen asleep with S5 (this has happened before). I did not get home until 11pm. When I walked in the door, I noticed that H had brought a bag over, which he normally does not do. H was sleeping with S5. I told H that I was home and asked what he was going to do. H normally just gets up and heads home. H was out of it and mumbled something about staying, so I just went to change and head to bed. A little while later, H came into my room and we ML. I am still not sure how it exactly happened. We really did not talk before it happened.
This morning I am surprisingly okay and again have little expectations that anything will change. Since we had been drinking the last time we ML on Christmas, I had been wondering if that happened because of the alcohol or because H was attracted to me. I guess that I know the answer now since he was completely sober this time around. I was also missing ML, so it was nice. After, H said started to laugh and said "this is so funny, I have no idea what we are doing." H also said that he loved every minute that he was in the house with the boys last week when I was gone. I don't want to mind read, but my guess is that he was missing being home a bit. Yet I am fully aware that it does not mean that he is coming back. I did not engage him in conversation because I did not want to get into a R talk. I need to keep what happened physically separate from where I am emotionally.
So much for having little contact with H during the end of January/beginning of February like I had planned. H heads out of town at the end of this week for pretty much a month, so the contact will be limited. And I am completely prepared for that. As news spreads around the office about the S, I am getting better at telling my canned story and it honestly is a bit freeing. I don't feel so desperate to save the marriage and have no one find out about the S. So I will continue to keep moving forward and allow my H to continue on his journey because he seems a bit more confused if that is even possible.
