you break the link between his words and your emotions. you make yourself independent of him.
right now he cant offer you a cup of coffee without you thinking it means he wants to reconcile and then you spin out of control trying to think of the 37 different possible ways for you to react from throwing it in his face to rubbing his shoulder to inviting him into your house, and then having a complete tear filled emotional meltdown when you discover it was simply just a cup of Tim Hortons coffee. its maddening.
if you want to listen then listen - but understand whatever he says today may not apply tomorrow. if you want to validate, then validate, but leave the confusion with him, and stop letting it affect you. just let him talk and answer honestly, dont lead the conversations in the directions you want, but for the love of god woman, stop being so emotionally tied to his words.
and it is ALL YOUR CHOICE. you are choosing to live in this drama and this pain. you must make the decision not to be this way. no one else can do it for you, its all you and this is done by making a conscious effort, by hard work, by finding healthy thoughts to take up your mind, by surrounding yourself with good people, by hobbies. its done by YOU finding what works for YOU. there is no one single answer.
how do you act around him? act like a 46 year old woman who has some sense of self worth, who values herself. someone who knows she's worth more than his confusion and maybes and leftovers. and believe it.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
