WH, you ARE doing well and you ARE strong. Having a normal human response to a very difficult and painful process doesn't change that.
I agree with job regarding your kids. I can tell you that mine are thriving. In fact, my oldest recently told me that this last year has been the best year of his life. I thought, how in the world can that be? We have suffered so much loss and turmoil. Through it all we have emerged happy. The key was learning to take very good care of myself so that I could take very good care of my kids. Creating a peaceful, nuturing home was also essential. I didn't realize how much my xh's mental state sabotaged all of my efforts in the past. So, in a way, I do have the life I've always wanted. There are still parts of my dream that are missing, but I believe it will all come together when I'm ready.
WH, know that what you are feeling is normal. You are not shut down and that's a wonderful thing. Being sad doesn't feel good, but let the tears flow. During this time you will be ridding yourself of all the toxic behavior. You will emerge refreshed, ready to embrace the new you and all that life has to offer.
