I really do appreciate your input! I felt so "hyper aware" the whold time H was hom...hard to believe that he was really seeing FOW the whole time....still think it has been in the last few months but who knows.
I appreciate anything you have to offer to help me feel valuable...self esteem has taken a huge hit!
BD-Aug 2009 OW Confirmed H moves out Dec 2009 D filed by H-Mar 2010 H asks to come home April 2011 BD AGAIN 1-15-2014! H seeing FOW! H ran away again! 1-18-2014
cw, I'm reading your posts….wondering how he can do that to you twice? What happens inside a man who does this? Is he not happy at work, in life, in his world? So much more to live for….and to just be happy where you are…I'm so sorry. Did I see how old he was?
H-45 W-47 Kids: 14, 10, 7
Love is a choice…I will love you, even when I don't feel like it.
It seems H is not happy with any part of his life although he puts on a good show! He has had 6 job changes since he quit his job of 20yrs in 2000. 2 of these jobs he was fired from. He will be 55 in a couple of weeks. Both his parents were deceased by age 55. I think that is part of his crisis.
Actually had some text correspondence from him yesterday mostly concerning the washer (of course it would break down after H left!) and him wanting to know how my new phone is doing (he got it for me for xmas) and then he sent one telling me that "he still cared...you know..."
He did work on washer today when he brought D15 home and he and the kids are out cutting wood. Didn't expect him to be here this long today. I had some errands and a wine tasting party to go to so was not home when he got here and thought he'd be gone when I got home.
We talked about washer a little and they left. He seems very comfortable with his decision to leave this time. The first time he left he would be antsy and could hardly wait to get away from me/us/house/whatever.
BD-Aug 2009 OW Confirmed H moves out Dec 2009 D filed by H-Mar 2010 H asks to come home April 2011 BD AGAIN 1-15-2014! H seeing FOW! H ran away again! 1-18-2014
Just wanted to share some good news for once...lol! Saw my oncologist today and he declared me 5yrs cancer free! I no longer have to take the cancer pill and do not have to go back for a year!!!
BD-Aug 2009 OW Confirmed H moves out Dec 2009 D filed by H-Mar 2010 H asks to come home April 2011 BD AGAIN 1-15-2014! H seeing FOW! H ran away again! 1-18-2014
Congratulations! That is wonderful news! Time to celebrate your news!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you BF and job! Was bittersweet as I so wanted to call H and tell him what doctor said but since I couldn't, I posted in all over Facebook and bought myself a bouquet of flowers!
Checked our joint email acct. this morning and found email from H's direct benefits from work confirming change in address and phone number.
I know, I have been through this before but he seems to be moving so much faster this time...
BD-Aug 2009 OW Confirmed H moves out Dec 2009 D filed by H-Mar 2010 H asks to come home April 2011 BD AGAIN 1-15-2014! H seeing FOW! H ran away again! 1-18-2014
CW, I'm sorry that you weren't able to share your wonderful news w/your h...but he may very well be reading on line and/or some of your friends may tell him.
As a general rule, they generally do speed up a bit more the second time around. When the change the address and phone number, it's always a hit to the gut, so to speak. Hopefully he will find himself this time around and face his demons and become a more mature, settled man.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you job...I did not know that about the second time around! I haven't found any resources explaining that.
You would think this would easier for me too as the LBS since I have "been there, done that" but it seems to be much harder!!! I'm just not sure how to act this time around!
I hope and pray everyday that this third time will be the charm and he will face his demons and settle down!!!
BD-Aug 2009 OW Confirmed H moves out Dec 2009 D filed by H-Mar 2010 H asks to come home April 2011 BD AGAIN 1-15-2014! H seeing FOW! H ran away again! 1-18-2014
CW, MGoBlue and I, as well as other posts had some discussions about the "repeaters" many years ago. You won't find much, if anything on the current forum about the second time around because there aren't very many that return to discuss their situations.
Unfortunately, it's not easier on the LBS or the family if the spouse comes home entirely too soon and hasn't completed his/her journey. Why? Because we think that the crisis is completely over and want life to resume in a normal fashion and we begin to heal and feel safe and secure once again. The second time around, not only can create a different way of acting out, but it also reopens the old wounds and hurts and disrupts the lives of the family members all over again.
How to act this time around? Just be yourself and continue on your own journey. Live your life to the fullest and continue to practice what you learned the first time here. The more you detach, the better. The more you keep the focus on you and your family, the better. Be sure to keep an eye on your accounts and credit cards. Protect yourself in the way of your assets.
If he should want to return home, he will need to prove himself to you, i.e., he is the one that will have to do the hard work of earning your trust once again, transparency will be required in all areas, honesty and yes, he will definitely have to win you back. It's hard work, but if he truly wants his family and you in his life, he will do the hard work.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
