Suckerpunch, the final thread

[25yearsmlc]

I am not sure I understand your question. Do you mean what role did I play in the demise of our marriage? Or, do you mean how am I being accountable today? Not exactly sure what you're asking me, JP

I don't mean to speak for JP but here are things I wonder.

Since you never got a counselor, never attended a workshop, never went to hear a speaker and never joined a support group of any type,

what changes and tools have you gained over the past year?

What changes do you expect to be able to make, given that you have no role models for that, and your periodic chats with your pastor have dwindled too?

This is what I mean SP. You SAID you'd "Like to BUT..." somehow could not get there. But you never wanted to do a workshop b/c hey, SHE hasn't! OR b/c you believe it implies that YOU might have a problem.
NEWSFLASH:

If you go see a C or T and they tell you that you have some issues, you are lucky! Why? B/C then you are not powerless. If you are a perfect spouse and your partner sill wants to leave, then you have nothing to do or say. Just leave, ,knowing it's all about THEM....but if you think you might not be perfect, if you might have some problems to work on, then DO IT. You're lucky there is something to do, you are not powerless. That is why the worst news to get is that you are a great catch, but they still want out. B/C then you really are stuck.

SP, sometimes I think you don't want a DBer or a counselor unless he's the type to say your wife is "wrong", and to give you a few hopeful tips that will comfort you as you tell yourself that going to church proves something about you...

but you say you have changed. If you did change, all by yourself with some help here, then my guess is you made it a lot harder than it had to be. If you had just gotten some TOOLS...one on one with professional help, who knows where you'd be?

the resources are still out there. You Ignore them, and paint your w as the eternal bad guy, at your peril.