Here I Am Again!

[Missmygirl]

Got home this morning. E was in the kitchen with our oldest daughter, getting ready to send her off to school. I said hello with a smile, hugged our daughter and started pulling out a few things I purchased for us (really for myself) on my trip. Chit chatted a bit with our daughter. E seemed fine. No displays of irritation, which was nice.

Made sure I didn't touch E. Didn't ask her anything other than how her morning was going, and headed upstairs to unpack and get some rest.

Today has actually been nice. I haven't brought up things. And she hasn't offered any. I have come to the realization that as an individual, she is incapable of discussing things like our relationship. She never saw any success with it at home and all she ever saw was confrontation between her father and mother before their eventual divorce. I think it is impossible to work through things like this with her. I won't even try.

I had purchased discounted tickets so I could take myself and our two girls to an amusement park this summer. I figured it could be father/daughter time. E said she wanted to go as well. It was her suggestion a couple of years ago that i do things like this with the girls. Time for them to bond with me. Now it seems like if i don't buy tix for her to go as well, she feels like I'm trying to exclude her. Well, I guess that's a natural response. She says she doesn't trust me anymore.

Told her I was going to get SCUBA certified before our trip to the Caribbean in the spring. Asked if she wanted to do it with me. Answer was "no." That's ok. I'll have fun on my own. I'll ask another friend to go.

Worked on tax stuff today. She started getting irritated with the whole process and it started coming out in her shortness with me. I told her that if I was her coworker, she wouldn't be talking like that to me. I was there to work with her and if she continued getting spooled up like that, I was going to remove myself. No comment from her. She settled down.

I'm reminding myself of my new policy. Just Quit. Today it's working for me. If we break up, that's fine. I would rather not, but if we do, that's cool, too. I'm quitting. I've done enough around here. It's her turn.

I'm sleeping in our guest bedroom again and enjoying the peace and tranquility there.

Life is good and I have many reasons I can tell you that I am convinced of it.