Today was kind of a hard day, I haven't worked in 5 days; schools have been closed due to the cold and I have only talked to a handful of people plus gone only a couple of places. Been trying to keep busy but spent most of the days in my apartment. That gets me thinking way to much.
The things I've been thinking about of course deal with my W and the things I've been doing to make my life better and the things my W has been doing. They don't equal out very good in my favor, as you can see I've been thinking way to much. As I mentioned in an earlier post even though it will cost us each more money she decided to separate the car insurance. This came after we got separate cellphone accounts. I now have my daughter on my account and my 2 stepsons were already on their dad's account. Did I mention that shortly after I moved out all the wedding pictures plus family pictures had been taking down. The only thing I'm waiting for now is the divorce papers to be served.
I've been doing the 180 approach and been giving her the space she needs but it only seems to be pushing W towards OM. W told me that OM doesn't want her to talk to me about our marriage, he stated that she has to be 100% with him or not at all and W told me that she respects him to much for what he has done to not 'respect' what he has asked (this conversation happened at Christmas time).
I don't know what is going on in her head but she keeps testing me (look at previous posts). W also has said one a couple of occasions that she notices the changes I've been making but the 3 months that I have been away has not been long enough to let those changes set in. W also said that if I moved back now things would be good for a few months then go back to how they were before. I totally agree with her. I feel that I have learned a lot but need to put it into 'muscle memory' when used everyday.
So I feel that based on what has happened and is currently happening my chances are becoming pretty slim on getting a 2nd chance with my W. This hurts because I know it takes 2 to tango but I had taking the lead in most of the actions that results in our current situation.
