I am so sorry that you have to leave your home. It must be incredibly difficult. I'm glad that you have a safe place to move to and one that you seem to really like. I hope that you enjoy making it your own. Creating a space that nourishes your soul can really help with recovery and restoration. While I haven't moved I have slowly transformed my home into a place that the boys and I really feel good being in. I started by making a very long list of everything that I like such as types of flowers, colors, etc. and I have incorporated my list into my home. I love fresh flowers, candles (two things that my xh did not appreciate) and music so I make sure my home always has those things. It's part of treating myself well and has made a big difference. You'll find the things and activities that nurture you back to a joyful life.
I understand the inner conflict of not wanting to be married to your h, but not wanting to be divorced. Divorce is not something that I wanted, but in time I, too, realized that my xh was toxic. I still wish he would have sought counseling rather than blow up our family. I suspect I will always have some sadness, but understand that there's nothing I could have done to prevent where we are. I wish things were different for you, WH. Who knows what the future holds for you and your h. For now, living apart will give you the time you need to heal. With space and distance you will discover what you want for yourself.
