Wow I really liked that post and I gives me hope that with work, there can be a happy ending o these things regardless of the 'outcome' (divorce vs. no divorce)
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
This is a great story BD that seems to resonate with how my situation might/could play out. Congratulations for getting to where you are. It was a long road and took a lot of work.
Me:38 W:39 No Children BD: 5/13 EA/PA Confirmed: 7/13 W Moved out 12/13
Glad to hear you are doing well and happy BD! Happiness comes from within and not from being with our spouse or anyone else and that's something I am learning. Your growth as a person shows and exemplary.
Me:36,W:37 M:8, T:13 S:3yo, D:10yo (mine) BD 10/12 and 01/13 DBing since 02/13 W moved out 8/13
Thanks for all the well wishes. It's much appreciated.
When I started this whole mess, I was like most newcomers. I was scared, I was unhappy, I thought my world was ending, and I was in a lot of pain. I fought tooth and nail to keep my unhappy life together....not because it was good for me, or even good for my family, but because it's what I was accustomed to. Don't get me wrong....when I said forever, I truly meant it, and still feel that way to this day...but there are limits, and ultimately, it does take both partners.
Looking back, I wouldn't change it because I truly felt like I did everything.....everything....in my power to keep my M together. I changed who I was, I forgave, I opened up, I read, I learned, I went to retrouvaille, I figured out who I wanted to be. I even started up with XW multiple times post D thinking she had turned the corner. That woman, God love her, she took every last bit of my commitment and sh!t on it. I think there were times she really did try....but an affair really is an addiction, and you not only have to be willing to quit, you have to be willing to put in place checks so that when you're weak, you get the help you need to hold fast. She never got there.
But that's ok. It's ok because it really was the catalyst for my changes, and every step of the way, I learned. And I believe, my W couldn't really even consider changing until I was completely done (take note newbies!). Yeah, I still hope she figures things out someday. It may not mean reconciliation (or it could...who knows the future), but I still care for her and I want her to be happy. She's still looking to outsiders for happiness.....she hasn't figured out that within HER is where she'll find it.
Thanks for popping in Bug! I've been checking in on your thread too. I am impressed with how you see things, and I am learning from you as you go thru this new stage in your relationship. It's inspiring.
And yes, the thread with Mach can be found at the link below. I think he's read it more than me at this point, and continues to use it as a tool for others trying to find their path. I read it occasionally....and I'm forever grateful to Mach for his cryptic way of making people think
I finally....finally....closed on my new house yesterday. Now...the projects begin! And it's starting to warm up...awesome!
Life is good. I am getting more involved with my church, I signed up to learn to scuba, and golf league is about to start! I started attending a class at church called DivorceCare....only had one session, but I like what I see so far. It's something I may help with in the future.
I went NC with the XW a few weeks ago....LONG overdue. I had thought things were ok being friendly with her, but she's still trying to put me back where I used to be thru lying and pretending. To me, it's entirely unnecessary, but maybe that's just who she is now. As Mach asked me a long long time ago....do I really need friends like that? Nope.
I'm considering changing my handle here....Breakdown doesn't seem to fit anymore. When I started this journey, I felt like I was on the verge of breaking down, or was actually breaking down repeatedly. Now, I feel like one of those minions on Despicable Me, laughing all the time and having fun.
