PatientMan VII - What's My Latitude?

[PatientMan]

Does your XW realize that she has created an impossible situation?

I think she kinda does. She realizes she is still messed up and needs to fix it. She realizes she's dragging me through her trying to clean up her own mess, and she shows remorse and guilt for that.

Do you think that maybe she has done this purposely (though perhaps subconsciously)?

I don't think she's done it maliciously, but it's certainly possible she wants to keep me around as an option.

I think she honestly does miss me and love me, and she's trying to get back to a place where she doesn't lose herself, but she doesn't know what to do or how to do it.

I think she is afraid to love me like she did before. Her head is telling her it's safe, but her heart can't quite get there. I don't know if she'll let it.

How does she think that moving would help things with you?

I think she is just fantasizing about a truly fresh start. Saying goodbye to this city that harbors all these bad memories where we've been essentially stuck on an island far away from either of our families.

And how does that play into the idea that she needs to make sure she is OK "on her own?"

I have no idea.

It just seems to me that right now, you can't win with her.

That's what it feels like. It feels like she's still watching me intently, waiting for me to mess up so she can tell herself that she knew it all along.

It's been over two years. She's seen the changes. She knows they're real.

On the plus side, that would be great if she would get into IC. You should know how lucky you are that your XW has a friend who cares enough about her, and has the courage, to suggest such a thing. All of my H's "friends" and family are enablers.

I just want her to find peace. I hope she goes. Time and money are big obstacles for her, but being open to it was very encouraging to hear.

Thanks for posting!

-PM