My kids have their own emotions about their dad. I try to be as objective as possible. I did, this time, when S15 was expressing his concerns and frustrations to me about his dad trying to get him to reveal the name of the kid that threw the rock, mention that I also wished H didn't overreact so much. I rarely say anything critical of him, but this time I just expressed that. If he didn't put hate on his face with his eyebrows, and raise his voice, and talk to you like you're an idiot, and wave his arms around, we would all feel more safe confiding things to him. That's just how it is, and I feel that's too bad. But that's all I said, "I wish he didn't overreact so much." I left out all the other stuff because S15 has his own view of his own experiences, and I have mine.
The kids have observed me share a ride to a funeral, invite h and his family for Christmas, have him over for fathers day, get presents he would like for his birthday, buy his favorite kind of pie for Thanksgiving. The kids have seen me be as gracious and kind as a person could be to their separated spouse. It's been hard for me sometimes emotionally, because I feel like I have to stuff some of my real emotions to be able to put on a nice face and do those things. But I've tried because the kids need to think their dad's ok and their mom's ok, they may not live together but life will go on.
I don't like that, but I made some mistakes in my life. I don't think I'd do many of them differently because I sure love my life other than the estranged-husband part of it. The one thing I'd do differently is that right around 2004 the first time I thought I needed counseling, I wouldn't have let my H talk me out of it. I might have gotten better sooner, and my marriage might have gotten better, who knows. I'm a huge fan of counseling now.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
