own a buz 20: confused within the confusion

[adinva]

Actions speak louder than words. Here are the actions:

A year ago he broke up with you.
Since then, he moved you out of his home.
He started dating.
He dragged his feet about putting your name on his business.

You got all spun up because he mentioned not being sure about reconciling, which you interpreted as "wants to reconcile" but to outside observers is more easily interpreted as "doesn't want to reconcile."

You are worried about him dating, which he is BLAMING YOU for, when he broke up with you a year ago. Your focused on extinguishing a match when the forest already burned down around you.

You use words like "sort of agreed" - that to my literal mind means "did not agree."

You try to mindread him, and he apparently tries to mindread you, when you could simply ask, what do you mean? What did that mean? What do you mean by that? I think the reason is because you prefer your interpretations over what you fear might be his real meaning if you actually asked him.

You are not in a relationship with him right now. Your biggest concern seems to be protecting this relationship, but it doesn't exist. Your biggest worry seems to be losing him, but he has been gone a year and you act like he's not.

Pick up your self esteem. Does he want to help you, look out for you, be good to you? Fine, then get him to put your name on the business as he said he would.

Does he want to get back together with you? No. "Confused" does not mean let's get back together. "Confused" means he doesn't know what he wants. There is nothing you can say to him that will make him less confused. I'm not sure what the point is of listening to him about his confusion, unless you feel like more than a year of validating some more of his emotions will get you anywhere good.

If it were me, I'd tell him: I'm not confused. You broke up with me a year ago. For a year you've acted like we're not together. You moved me out of your home. Although that is not what I wanted, you have been very clear. If you're interested in reconciling, you know where to find me. Until then, we're business partners.

But it's not me, so you've sent him a clear message that love and business are intertwined for you, you'll wait indefinitely, you need nothing but occasional small kindnesses one would offer a coworker, and it's very easy to get your hopes up just by claiming confusion.

What DB'ers have advised, and what it sounds like your friend advised, is to stop focusing on him. Let him figure out his confusion. Either sit tight or move along, but stop hanging on his every word.

But - if he's a man of his word, get that financial settlement done. Not doing it isn't saving anything good for you. You're in a very precarious position. Having your assets in your name will in NO way prevent him from reconciling with you if he wants to be with you.