own a buz 20: confused within the confusion

[MrBond]

IMHO, I really think your H is being honest and not trying to "protect" himeself or take advantage of you. I think like most people in MLC, he's confused and taking his time sorting things out because non-confrontation or non-conflict is what he's looking for.

The part where you are controlling and manipulating is that you keep pushing and pushing (yes you do) him to make decisions about your R just because YOU can't handle it and are anxious. You've done it to everyone who posts to you. You push and push and push for answers. We all tell you the same thing, but you push some more AND THEN you ask someone outside and come back and tell the rest of us about it. And guess what? Their advice is the same as ours. You only hear what you want to hear.

You have to understand that in KenF's case, his W REALLY took advantage of him and flaunted her OM in front of his face. Your boyfriend (and yes, that's what he is) didn't do that. I could be wrong, but it really does seem like he didn't think it was a big deal because you're not together any more.

During this time I haven't seen you actually work on your insecurities. You ridicule him, yes you do. You keep saying you don't mean it, etc, but you do it alot. In fact, I don't know how many times you kept saying he treated you like a doormat.

It is HIS MLC. YOU can't control it. HE has to be the one to reach that understanding on his own WITHOUT your help. This isn't him reaching out. It's him answering you because you need to control what's going on in your life and his.

I don't know how many times we've told you this...take care of you and fix yourself first. If you do get back together again, could you honestly say that you have changed enough that things would be great living with you? No resentments? No insecurities? No need for constant validation? Be honest.