The majority of people on this board do not live with their WAS. I don't and yet I am still following the book. The entire point of DBing is to focus on YOURSELF. Therefore, it does not matter if your W is living in your house, in another house or on the moon.
As far as communication, here is what I try to do. I never call my H (although I may call him back if he called first). I choose to communicate via email/text about logistics (kids, finances, etc.). My H will call, email or text. I usually do not answer right away because I am busy with the kids and/or working. If my H writes or calls about something that requires as response, I respond to the question that he asks. I am always nice and friendly.
Your W to sent an email asking you to leave everything outside for her to pick up. It really does not require a response. If you want to send something back, I will simply say "Okay" or "I will leave it for you." That way she knows that the stuff will be waiting for her. There is nothing else that needs to be said.
Y - There is no magic answer to fix this. There is no perfect thing to say or do. You just need to focus on yourself and be a "friendly neighbor."
