Newbie needs help:husband left Saturday

[keep_going]

dx -

I just read your whole thread and I first want to tell you that I am sorry for what you are going through. I had a similar situation to yours with my H. OW did not move in with him, but he introduced my kids to her and her kids very early on.

I understand all the pain you are going through - it's impossible to describe it to others, and only those who have walked this path can understand. It's not just about the betrayal in the marriage, but having OW in our kids' lives and the feeling of being replaced just like that... That is another level of pain. So I send you hugs.

As for the lawyer, let me give you the best incentive for you to do something.

I am also in a no fault state.
My H used to earn twice as much as I did.
He spent a lot of money on partying with OW.
He lost his job.
I then had to work.

The fact that your H doesn't have a job, now means that HE may seek alimony FROM YOU. So you are looking at potentially now having to support not only him, but OW and HER KIDS when they are with your H, since SHE also lost her job...

THAT was the incentive that drove ME to hire a lawyer. The prospect that on top of all the emotional pain, the betrayal, I might end up supporting THEM. Sounds unfair? You bet! yet, it could very well happen - or at least your H might petition it and then you would need to hire a L anyways to counteract his alimony petition.

SO PLEASE SEE A LAWYER ASAP. The fact that he is losing his job is a HUGE, HUGE deal.

And remember - you are not alone and things will get uglier before they improve, but they WILL.
So hang in there.

And please - don't fear what your actions will do to your M. Your old M is dead. Your H has introduced OW to your kids...
This now goes way beyond not making waves.

Let go of your H. He needs to live this journey of his and things will implode in his face without you needing to be in the way.

This should be a time to take care of you and your kids, because clearly your H is incapable of right now. Remind yourself that this is NOT the H you married. This person you are dealing with RIGHT NOW is a stranger, someone who just doesn't care about you and whose actions have proven to hurt you and your kids.

Focus on your emotional healing. If you are strong, you can be strong for your kids. Have you heard the analogy of the oxygen mask? You put on yours first and then you help your kids.

Keep coming back here. WE ALL GET IT.
When DB, I went to a really, really dark place and if it wasn't for my kids, this board and the fact that I was pregnant, I don't know what would have happened to me AND what would have been of my kids, since my H was in party mode with OW at the time. Three years later, life is different for me, because I CHOSE to make it different.

YOU ARE IN CONTROL HERE. It may not feel that way now, but you can choose what to make of this.

Chose to teach your kids that life will throw punches at them, but that they can overcome them. Show them with your actions that what matters is how you overcome your struggles. Become the woman and mom that they will be proud of today, tomorrow and in 20 years.

Use your kids as your motivation to overcome the most challenging and painful situation you will go through in your live. They are watching and you can teach them how THEY can also overcome this and THRIVE.


((((((((((dx))))))))))