I asked my Divorcebusting coach whether I should tell my family and friends and she asked me what my intention was for the relationship. I told her that ideally I hoped we could get through this and work it out. So, it made me think about how to respond to people...
I didn't tell my family we separated but we're close and they could definitely tell I wasn't being the same "me". I just told them husband and I are having some issues we're working through right now, he's depressed because of work, etc.
After six months, I told my parents that he moved in with a friend but they still don't know about the affair or that he moved in with OW.
If we ever do get back together, that would be so incredibly tough for both sides to have to deal with and overcome. I feel that until I know for sure, I don't need to divulge everything and even later, it's ultimately up to me what I want to share about my very personal situation.
I live out of state, so that definitely changes the dynamics as well. My friends back home have NO idea what's going on.
Just go within and give it some thought before you act...to have a sense that you're at peace with it (whatever you decide to do).
I'm feeling really sad that H will be taking his things out of the house.
I've been pretty good with the sadness. Only hits a couple times a day for a short time.
I've spent the day cleaning the whole house so it looks really good while he stays here. The house being a mess is one of his issues with me. Although he thinks I should work a full time job, clean,cook and take care of kids.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Thank you I agree. Such damage can be done by family and friends and it's hard enough what we are dealing with.
I am visiting my family out of town. I'm giving no impression of any trouble. My kids aren't either. They aren't telling either.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Your thread title caught my eye as I, too, have an MLC H who has left for the second time...well, actually 3rd! First time in 2000 for a few weeks, then again in 2009. Asked to come home in 2011 just before D was finalized.
I'm sorry you are going through this too! It seems to get easier for them to leave each time and harder for the LBS. I have also noticed big differences in H this time around. He seems confident in his decision to leave this time!
Please do take care of yourself and make sure your changes are real and permanent! Do the 180's! If he thinks what he says will make you angry, then do the opposite and surprise him!
I decided to start seeing an IC this time. My goal is to work on myself and to reach acceptance of whatever the outcome will be this time around!
(((HUGS)))
BD-Aug 2009 OW Confirmed H moves out Dec 2009 D filed by H-Mar 2010 H asks to come home April 2011 BD AGAIN 1-15-2014! H seeing FOW! H ran away again! 1-18-2014
I feel for you doing this for the 3rd! time.. I can't imagine. Although my feelings of panic, etc are milder this time. My H insistent is as intense this time as last. When we separated for the first month he would say "not now" Then the more we fought and time went on I don't hear "not now" anymore.
However, a lot has changed in the last 2-3 weeks. I went out of town for a few days and came back and decided I was going to be nice/friendly if it killed me. I need to back up a bit. Before I went we had a big blow out. During that argument he was telling me please don't yell at me several times. Then H voice cracked and sounded like he was crying. I became concerned. He NEVER get emotional. Turns out he was having a bad day at would and I think he may have gotten an ass chewing and nothing was going right. Hes a superintendent and has to schedule all the subs. Anyway that is when I decided to change for good!! Since then I have been friendly. He has really come along, calls me, texts to me often throughout the day. Usually about nothing. But its been nice. He now thinks I have a BF because I go out with my friends a lot. I just let him think that. HE wants to know everything about him! I tell him when I asked you would not tell me or get mad... We have not been physical in over a month. Last time we separated we did more frequently. I went over to his house last week so we could fill out the divorce papers online. I initiated it and said I wanted to get on with my life. I know he's thinking now shes being nice and giving me a divorce. H said why are you doing it? I am the one who wants the divorce.
We filled it all out with no tears or anger..I said I was going to go and H said whats the hurry? You have a date with BF? I said I was going out yes. We talked a little more and I could see he really didn't want me to go.
Long story short we ended up ML. It was all initiated by H. H was very passionate and kissed me. He has always held back on kissing during breakups.
H sent a text in the morning thanking me for coming over and I hope H didn't give me false hope. That is something he always said before too.
H said I was being so nice to him he wanted to be nice back?? I said by ML? H said no...???? I said so me being nice makes you want to ML to me, he said sort of????
we had a day of friendly of friendly flirty texting all day. a few days later I asked him if he wanted to go to a concert with me. We used to go see him all the time and it is out favorite. Typically he said why don't you take your BF? lol I said he doesn't like that music..He said he would go and thanked me for thinking of him. It is this Thursday..
Friday I sent him a text in the evening saying I don't think it is a good idea for us to ML again. It is not good for either of us. H said what ever I think is right. H went to MIL house over the weekend and I haven't sent him a text since Friday he either. Not sure if that has made him mad or what??
I just felt the need to say I didn't think it was good for us. Not that it won't happen again, lol.
I hope your sitch gets better and keep up the good work.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
I also forgot to add that my H and I were supposed to go to a party together. I decided this would be a good time for me to act more mysterious. So I decided not to go and told H I left the gift on the front porch. H did ask a few times through out the conversation are you sure you don't want to go? The next day H said were you home last night? Your car was home? I said no. H said oh, i was going to knock on the door to see if you wanted to go but didn't want to wake you. This was the weekend before I went to his house.
There has been a lot of progress but I don't think in anyway he wants to try to work it out. Just wan'ts to get along...
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
H just called. First contact since Friday. I let it go to VM and called about 20 mins later. H said Hi how are you? Very friendly and chatty. OF course said I heard you went out both Fri/Sat... I had to say at least 3 times I would talk to him later. Each time I could hear in his voice he was shocked I kept saying that... H offered to pick up D13 at gymnastics so I guess I will be seeing him tonight because I am sure he will come in to see S13. I will be in my bedroom.....
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Thanks! It's actually fun and challenging. As weird as that sounds.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
