That's not what I meant, but it's a true statement.
My point was that it's not their role to help him "snap out of it" any more than it was yours to talk to and help your niece as your sister wanted (side note: what she really wanted was to a) know you care about her and her daughter and b) to have yet another person give it a try in the hopes this time might be the time it works; substance addict, MLC, WAS - I see little difference in those in many cases. The addiction is very similar). There are things you can do for your friends/family. There are times to tell them. There are also times when you can better help them by NOT helping them. As you have decided is the case the of your niece. I tend to agree with approach that a person has to be motivated to do differently. Hitting bottom can help with that and has for many people. But in the end, they have to want to change more than they want to stay the same as they currently are.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist (although I've played one (well...maybe with one) on the internet) to see you're angry. Looking back through your posts, that stood out loud and clear.
Huh. A website where we come for help with our relationships and offer a safe place to vent and there's anger. Who'd have thought it right?
I don't for a second see that as an excuse for your H to leave. I don't see it as a reason to be the way he is with his sons.
I'm not him. I don't have to walk a mile in his shoes.
I would imagine from your postings that he's as angry as you are.
Like the Hatfields and McCoys, the war continues even if you aren't seeing it. That was the first thing that came to my mind when I read your posts. And one reason I responded.
Like the H & C's - nobody really remembers who "started" the slide into where you two are now. Entire families will be destroyed in epic ways (not made for movie in most cases.)
And like the H & C's, who started it is not the important question.
Which makes me wonder: What's your most important question in this family dynamic, adinva? You do realize you'll be tied to your H in some way or fashion for the rest of your days, right? It's a worthwhile question to ask.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
