I am feeling better, not yet where I want to be but I will get there...She said when we went to the last therapy sesion that she would be back to see therapist in 2 weeks so yhat is this wednesday....should I ask her if she is going to show up?
My W sent me an email today...instead of my W it looks like she is my secretary...
Hi,
Please don't throw the vacum out. I couldn't fit it with all my other stuff but I will pick it up. You can leave it outside the apt door and I can come grab it Friday again after 3. Also I will let you know what the deal is with the car as soon as I find out from the DMV. Thank u.
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
You need to reread Sandi's rules. Do not talk to a bunch of other people in real life about your situation. They just want you to be "happy" and to feel better. But the problem is that if you get a D, it is not going to take the pain away. You don't have to decide anything right now. Focus on YOU!
Do not argue about stupid things with your W. If it is not important and I mean you are willing to die on a hill for it, then let it go. If you argue, you are just giving her ammunition to say this is exactly why I am leaving. Also, do not ask her about whether or not she is going to IC. Focus on your own C.
Thank you 3boyzmom. I am not talking to a lot of people about it, just you guys and like 4 other people...
I wasnt gonna respond to her email, I just put the books she forgot at my place, a black dress and a purse and her vacuum at the door. Thats all I am doing. But I dont feel like arguing with her and obviously I am not gonna do it by email. Lol
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
"I had read your story and its really beautiful to see that everything worked out, but I have fear when I think....wait 3 years?? Could it be just an obsession?"
So you think I made a stupid decision? That it was some kind of mental issue? That it was just an "obsession" with me?
No it was not an "obsession". It's called marriage. I made a decision to stay for better or worse. Was it easy? Of course not. Every day I questioned why I was doing it. But to me (and again it was a personal decision) it was a commitment to not give up on her. I told her that she could file if she wanted to but I wasn't going to help her as I didn't believe in it and that was it.
"how can I wait 3 years for a person?"
By being strong in yourself.
"What warranty do I have that things will work out? "
There is no "warranty" or guarantee in life. Either you do it or you don't. Simple as that. You let the pain consume you because YOU LET it happen to you. You can also not let it bother you. Some people who can't handle it, commit suicide or do something crazy. It's a choice.
If you don't think you can handle it, then sign the papers and move on.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Thank you so so so much!! Thats definetly what I need it to hear, its definetly an eye opener to me to see that.
I have to recognize that while days ago I was in so much pain I went ahead and judge you for waiting so long. ( I have to work on that).
I married her for the same reason and that helps me with a inner strenght you cant imagine. you always have the right words at the right time!!
I cant handle it now, but your words made me feel stronger to find a great way to handle it!!
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
MrBond I am ready to follow your input, could you tell me what are the steps to follow? So far I am going to therapy, going to Debtors anonymous meetings. I am praying and I am keeping myself calm. Could you give me your input about her emails? should I respond them right away? what kind of example of responding an email could you give me? What are the next steps I should follow?
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
Hmmmm not asking for a shortcut, I read the DR but I dont see a chapter where it says what to do in case of this emails....I am doing now a LRT and went no contact as the book recomends and some of you as well but I need also your help guys.
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
Also I dont get how can I follow thr book if in my situation I dont live with my W, she doesnt talk to me and we dont see each other at all!! Thats why I need guidance but it seems as my effort asking for help in this forum its not really appreciated.
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
The majority of people on this board do not live with their WAS. I don't and yet I am still following the book. The entire point of DBing is to focus on YOURSELF. Therefore, it does not matter if your W is living in your house, in another house or on the moon.
As far as communication, here is what I try to do. I never call my H (although I may call him back if he called first). I choose to communicate via email/text about logistics (kids, finances, etc.). My H will call, email or text. I usually do not answer right away because I am busy with the kids and/or working. If my H writes or calls about something that requires as response, I respond to the question that he asks. I am always nice and friendly.
Your W to sent an email asking you to leave everything outside for her to pick up. It really does not require a response. If you want to send something back, I will simply say "Okay" or "I will leave it for you." That way she knows that the stuff will be waiting for her. There is nothing else that needs to be said.
Y - There is no magic answer to fix this. There is no perfect thing to say or do. You just need to focus on yourself and be a "friendly neighbor."
