separted six weeks still on the journey - II

[paul19510]

I'm glad she's going to spend more time with her kids.

I was going to post to you a couple of days ago, about your D having to contact you for a ride when Mom bailed.

I don't know why your W couldn't do it, it was probably a good reason.

If you had an agreement with, let's say, the parent of one of your D's friends to share driving the girls to work and the other parent couldn't do it, would you expect the parent to call and make the arrangement?

I would. Your D shouldn't be in the middle of this, she didn't make the arrangements. This is a boundary I would address with W. I know you can't control her actions but you can let her know your needs. "W, if you're unable to take D to school, please call me to make other arrangements. This is our
responsibility, not D's."

bug I agree with you and have set and rest this boundary more than once I the past 6 weeks. She's. Not respecting it.

How did you phrase it to her? Not that I think you did it "wrong", it would help my understanding.

So what do you think about the fact that she ignores that especially since her D is involved?

How would you describe your W's character?

Hi Bug! My W is very independent, but also likes to be taken care of. A bit of a puzzle for me. She's always felt left out and is the middle of 3 children. number 1 and number 3 got high honors for their work in sports, school and then in their professional lives. W lived a regular life. By all means its been a good one, but no exceptional stuff per se. She's always felt the weight of that.

the D13 I'm talking about is our middle child. something makes me think she gravitates to that b/c D is the middle one.

I imply said to W, I'd like us to plan, schedule or discuss kid things together and not thru them. if there are changes to schedules for overnights or picks, let's communicate directly. Texts email or voice is fine with me. she's agreed but continues to ignore my request. On one occasion when this happened and she had D13 with her and I was not aware of it, I texted her that I would really appreciate her partnership and would see it as a sign of mutual respect if we could do this. She got really annoyed and said "No ones' disrespecting you, we just forgot to tell you she's with me..."

she seems to dig in her heals. I am offering less resistance so as not to make it more appealing to continue this type of thing.