I've been a bit absent lately, so time to dig back in and I'll start with my own update.
First, I feel great. I'm happy, I laugh a lot, and I have minimal drama in my life. It's to the extent that friends and family often comment, "you seem so happy now." To which I respond, "I am!"
With regards to the XW, she is a roller coaster of emotion. She's invited me out a few times and I've declined, or been busy. Her reactions have been all over the place. She says the right things at times, but her actions are the same. I've been looking and looking for something different from her, but it hasn't come yet (and may never). She seems so lost, and I believe has started back up with her affair partner. They are both unhappy, broken people, looking for something that will make them happy instead of looking inside...so it makes sense in a way. Easier to fall back into that than actually do the work...
I guess that leads me to a new place. I have accepted the fact that I may never reconcile with XW. Not because she wouldn't, or we couldn't, but because I refuse to go back to a life that resembles anything we once had. It makes me sad, but it is also somewhat freeing. Before, in a way, I felt like I was just biding my time....now, I feel like I can embrace the future without reservations.
I really like who I am now, and who I'm becoming. There is a lot more work to do, but it's a fun journey now instead of a struggle.
