In my case, I wrote a letter or two to MS. Wonka and never sent them. The letters were good for me to write as it allowed me to process my emotions and thoughts. We encourage new DBers to write them and then set aside them or burn them {whatever works for them) as it allows people to get those antsy feelings out of the way.
Whatever you decide, you need to be prepared for whatever outcome that comes out of this.
I understand. I am not sure how I will end up proceeding. I meet with my attorney on Tuesday to formulate a response.
W responded to my email and said she is available on Tuesday to be on the phone to take care of the car insurance. After that, I plan to block all of her email addresses, I've changed my phone numbers, and hopefully she won't be able to contact me anymore while in litigation.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Knowing that W will be stopping by tomorrow to get the mail and hard drive, I just spent the last couple of hours cleaning everything and organizing. I also took the time to take down the last of W's decorations and things from the walls and counters and place them in the garage as well. I also put her old tv stand out there as well. I should have done all of this weeks ago.
She put a wink face in her email to me when she said she had not been by the house, but I probably knew that. Why would she wink at me? Why not just say "I'm coming by to get my stuff." I am blocking her email as of right now. The car insurance is the last item we need to have contact to take care of and we have that scheduled for Tuesday. I left her the turbotax login with her things in the garage so she could input her side of the taxes. From now on, we will talk through our attorneys. I can't be on the rollercoaster anymore.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
I've decided against the last resort letter I was considering sending. As far as blocking her email, I found out the best I can to is filter anything from her to automatically go to trash, so that's what I did. She knows where I live if she truly needs to get in touch with me.
As far as a response to her proposed settlement, I am going to reject it on the following grounds- 1) She is not eligible for spousal support so please stop threatening that 2) We need to file 2013 taxes jointly, not separately because we both made more than $10k and we each contributed to IRAs. 3) Her proposed settlement provides no payout for my part of the home equity. 4) Her breakdown of the property division is nowhere near comprehensive enough and includes no property/item valuations. 5) Her proposed settlement leaves me to pay for joint liabilities that she plans to take over after I have paid some of them off on my own, and continue to pay the mortgage on my own. (She's cake eating here right? She lives with her parents and banks her checks while telling me to pay for the whole mortgage and stuff until she plans to take it over and push me out of the house in March! HA!)
I am planning to just send an informal response through my attorney to her's outlining these items and asking her to resubmit a new proposed settlement including these items.
Thoughts on if I am being reasonable?
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
and continue to pay the mortgage on my own. (She's cake eating here right? She lives with her parents and banks her checks while telling me to pay for the whole mortgage and stuff until she plans to take it over and push me out of the house in March! HA!)
It's not necessarily cake-eating, I mean it's true that it's not costing HER anything but it is costing her PARENTS. So she's getting a free ride at their expense. If you're still living in the house it doesn't seem unreasonable for you to pay the mortgage for the months you live there (assuming the mortgage is comparable to what you'd have to pay to rent a place). It's like Judge Judy says- "you ate the steak, you have to pay the restaurant". She's constantly getting cases where someone wants to live somewhere but then get their money back for various reasons, that's usually how she responds
Ok, I get it. But how can you claim something as only an asset, but not a liability too. For instance, the appliances in the house that I paid off for $5000. She wants to keep those free and clear and not reimburse me? Of course! Who doesn't want free things that their soon to be ex has already paid for with his own money.
She's not pushing me out of the house. I found out, I did all the work on it. She has no dog, she has a support network in town to help her move and I do not. She can go find a new place.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
That's another reason I am going through the lawyers at this point. There's really no reason for me to contact her anymore. We have everything divided and have no reason to talk about anything except the divorce settlement anymore. If she wishes to reach out about something else she will have to submit it through my lawyer, use the postal service or come see me in person. This is what I need to detach.
I found myself hoping she had changed her mind when it took her a month to send everything over, so when I got it, it reopened the old healing wounds. I am so much better when I don't hear from her at all.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
wink face in her email to me when she said she had not been by the house, but I probably knew that. Why would she wink at me? Why not just say "I'm coming by to get my stuff." I am blocking her email as of right now. The car insurance is the last item we need to have contact to take care of and we have that scheduled for Tuesday. I left her the turbotax login with her things in the garage so she could input her side of the taxes. From now on, we will talk through our attorneys. I can't be on the rollercoaster anymore.