Well this is what I can see of the way that you do contact: Hi honey I still love you and you can keep controlling me no matter what because even if I am a little stronger I still love you and will take all your defects of character even if they don't let us have a healthy R.
And if I can see that, she can see that...She has to contact you because you have 3 kids ok? So unless you want to have the worst situation, its absolutely normal that she contacts you.
We have to work on you because that's the only strong thing that we can put our effort on.
and how we can do that? do you have any ideas? I do have one, when she text you, you don't respond right away... The main reason why we do that its not to mess with her but because we are not strong and we really need time to think about what we will say!!!
You were gonna have your D16 do it....but W ask not to and you to please her, well you do what W wants, you have to take time to think about it, and if you preferred that your D16 was the one to do it, just take your time and give yourself the reasons for that. You put all your reasons together and then and only then, you decide what you want... You ask yourself: Am I doing this to mess with my W and show her that I believe that even if is not what I believe? Am I gonna get anything good from this negotiation? Is this matter gonna make me grow resentment or I will agree with that and believe its the best option? Once you put those questions together then you can answer and whatever you decide will be valid because you do that after you think about it.
Lets be realistic, if your W comes to the house to watch movies and stuff to be with her daughter its great, you know what it will be not that great? that you are around just thinking: is she going to talk to me about the R, are we getting back together? should I kiss her? should I prepare her a beautiful dinner with candles? there is where it might raise a problem in here, so best thing to do, don't give her a full schedule of your days off, choose first what days you want to be by yourself, watching the last movie of Jason Statham or the last movie of Di Caprio thinking that man that guy its my hero without being critized by it. Once you choose the important days for you, then choose the days you will give her (probably you will do this in a hate love mood) so its important that after you put that schedule together you post it her so we can take a look at it. Then with that schedule in your hands we will tweak a couple of things and you will feel much better and stronger. Its not about to do everything for her so she will want us back, its about to do the things in a way we have compassion for both of us, so the solution doesn't hurt none of us.
I strongly suggest you if I can and in a very humble way to before you answer to any text, stop by here and write them down and take a little time for you, you keep not being gentle with yourself and you keep putting her needs on front of yours, and that just moves your W away from you.
Breath and take a pause, you are now in God's time, its not anymore your time or her time....
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
