Last night H told me he will file soon, he wants to discuss the child support and 50/50 time share.
Great, whatever his reasons are, (we don't know them, and you should stop trying to know...) they are valid reasons and you have to respect them.Now you are weak so you cant really see things in a proper way, its detach time...
When we start to detach there are a few things that happens: Guilty , we feel guilty because since we are the only ones fighting for the relationship in a direct way we feel we cant allow ourselves stop the thinking about the other person....that for us mean give up...but the reality is that we are not giving up, we just take a step back, to be able to take a proper look at the whole situation.
He is fighting but he fights in a different way, you have to understand this, he is fighting for his life and other things and he needs air, the air that will give him the chance to see your R in a different way. Its time to give up for a little, to do things in a different way and to bring new things to your life. I know this is not what you want to hear, but look if there is a way you guys can get back together, this is the only way... You have to see this R like dead, this is a death relationship and when a relationship is dead you cant bring that R back because it will be weak.
But we can have a new R,and this new R will be one in which you are a person that knows what its important for her and what she doesn't want and he will be commited to that...
So this is the way you will reach a victory in this situation: 1- Detach: every minute that comes to your brain memories of the things that you didn't like in your M its a victory for you, so you have to pay attention to that, and embrace to those feelings. You are in denial now, everything in the R seemed perfect for you, but seriously just think about how the new H will be a better one..maybe he didn't put his underwear to wash, maybe he pee all over the toilet...maybe he didn't knew how to dance...
Those are the things that you have to focus on right now to start to detach, in a little bit you will feel less and less guilty for stop thinking about the R, anyway that R died right? So there is where you need to be now.
Everytime you try to "fix" the R you are really just destroying everything more and making yourself more weak and also making your kids more unhappy.
He wants to get out of the R? good, ask God to give you the strength to accept this....God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change and the courage to change the things I can.. You can change yourself, go to the movies, get a haircut, get a massage, take a vacation, cook a great meal for those kids.
Everything we do its consequence of...so put that to work on your side...If you loose the R forever it will be consequence of you pushing him to talk or react about it.
Lets let him go completely, he needs space to see the whole sight in a different way, that will help him change in many ways, he might need to have a new relationship, he might need to go out and do things you could not even imagine, however he uses this time its out of your business and it will not change the whole end of this..
This is very important, everyday you stop feeling guilty you will advance one baby step to have A NEW RELATIONSHIP with him, and that's all that all of us want at the end, but we are so deep into our pain ans hurt that we rather take all the suffering so we can keep the dead body with us...
There is a great exercise to do, write in a paper all the things you didn't like about him, each one of them don't forget none!!
Get your car or just walk to your backyard or to a place where you can dig a small hole and put that paper in a small box, throw the box in the hole and bury the box...you are in a funeral, the one for your dead old R.
Time to get a new one, and the only way we can get a new one with him its first realizing what we want and we don't want, so he is giving you the gift of time, time that will make you realize how great you are and how you are not gonna have a weak R anymore..
Keep strong we are here in this funeral with you!!
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
