Barrybran II - Six Weeks In

[Barrybran]

Journaling:

I had a pretty good day today. I woke up by myself in the spare room to my wife screaming at our kids and I really didn't want to get up. I spent a bit of time by myself, not mopey, just giving my wife space and taking my own and eased myself into the day.

My wife went off to work and I resumed reading DB, which I wound up doing outside because the kids wanted to play and it was a nice day outside. I wound up getting to the SBT section and things I've been reading here started to make more sense. I am still early in the book but it put me in a positive, thinking mood.

My wife got home and I asked her about her day to which I listened and validated. Despite the past couple of days, yesterday in particular, she had a lot to say. No relationship stuff, just her day at work, her feelings about what her colleagues have done in her absence and plans she has coming up.

We had a good afternoon after that. She played a prank on me changing channels while I was watching the cricket (we have two TV's with the same style of remote so they work on both), I put on music again while watering the lawn which became a run around our yard with my wife (her idea; we have a large yard being in the country) and then my wife and I investigating old an irrigation setup we found under tress surrounding our yard (again, her idea).

After dinner, it was the usual baths and bed for the kids and I went into the loungeroom and started a puzzle. As much as I have given my wife space, I found that she talks to me more when I'm in the same room doing my own thing (usually watching TV). Kinda like giving her space but in her presence. Anyway, she started reading me statistics from articles she was reading about the prevalence of cheating, including cheating by newlyweds and the difference in perception between males and females about online infidelities. We discussed what she found calmly and openly.

A while later, I heard a message tone from the site I abused (also the site where I met my wife) and asked my wife about it. Not a great idea but I was confused as to why she was receiving messages. It had been so long since I'd been to the site that I forgot that women got tonnes of messages and men didn't. She said that she'd ignored the message and that she didn't open them unlike me (I deserved that). That prompted some questions from my wife about my usage of that site and the number of encounters I had. As she went to bed she showed me a letter she had written in a Word document, but doesn't intend to send, to the primary person I cheated with basically saying 'I don't blame you but be more aware of your choices next time you're faced with the same situation'. In her research she's found people who have written letters to their spouse's affair partners as part of their processing and healing so she's had a go at one herself.

She called me a douchebag as she left the room but told me she was going to bed and said good night which is something she doesn't do when she's upset. I also read the infidelity articles she had open in her browser which gave me some insight too.

It's Sunday here so there wasn't much I could do on the job front but I was in a more positive frame of mind, my wife shared with me and I picked up more information which I'll take as a decent day given the past couple of days.